Stronger

“To all the people in my life that didn’t understand how bad they were hurting me, and didn’t know that they would actually cause me to run into the arms of God, …. Because of his faithfulness, not because of how strong I was”

This note was pinned on the wall in the building where one of my favorite Christian groups, Building 429, was performing one of their songs called Stronger, and I saw it on their Instagram page.

I started this with this piece, because it sums it all. A couple of weeks ago, I shared a couple of lines of this piece on Instagram. I call it The forgiveness test. Over twenty years plus years ago, I was really humiliated publicly and hurt and betrayed by some of the people closest to me. You do expect little tiffs over time with relatives and those close to you, but not what I had to face. Over and over again, the betrayals, the hurt and pain, yet I turned a blind eye, thinking and expecting them to change. I was a sucker for punishment.

What I did not know at that time, that I had been blessed with the hospitality anointing. I would give the shirt off my back to help someone else and put the feelings of others before me. Well to say the least, they looked at me as if I was weak and insecure. Things got worse, very personal information that I had entrusted to a couple of them was revealed to complete strangers and work colleagues, further humiliating me.

I became so insecure, suffered anxiety and panic attacks and depression. I withdrew into a shell, built a personal barrier around me, became overprotective of my children and literally stopped trusting anyone whatsoever. My life was just focused on raising my kids, going to school and work.

At this point, these siblings just withdrew from me and literally shut me out, at one point when I asked why I was excluded from a very important family event, I was told that technically I was not a full blown sister, see, we had the same mother but not the same dad and they shared the same mom and dad. I was devastated. Over the years, it got worse. It did not really matter what I had done for them over the years. It was at this point that I made a decision to start a new life, and moved to the USA (I had lived there some years back, and I loved it). My son wanted to stay in London, so I made the move with my daughter. Even after the move, the poisoned darts and arrows kept on coming, my life was shattered, broken, until I joined my church The Living Hope Christian Center in Pennsauken, New Jersey.

During the eight years that we spent over there, our Pastor now Bishop Ronald King Sr, prayed for us, ministered to us, taught us The word, helped us to understand life’s ups and downs, how to pray, praise and worship, and not to focus on the past and what should have or could have been. The ministry was awesome. I will never what he said one Sunday when he brought the word, and I am just paraphrasing “stop hurting, stop being angry and defeated, let it go, because the ones who have hurt you and caused you so much pain, are probably not even thinking about you! Lose their numbers, delete their emails/Facebook etc. stop just existing and start living again! Forgive and forget!”

That was my breakthrough! I decided to do just that, and God started to rebuild my life. I moved on even though it wasn’t easy, and life took on a new meaning for me. Eighteen months ago, God moved my daughter and me back to London. It was a miracle, we moved into the same neighbourhood, same house. Because God had shut down all the old doors and cut off all old contacts, the only person we had contact with was my son. I was fine with that. Never once did we think about old contacts or even crossed paths with them. God kept us, sheltered us, and protected us and so much more in so many ways!

Then about three to four weeks ago, the Forgive and forget test came! Our Bishop and some of our Pastors and ministers had previously taught us that God will put you through tests to see whether you have learnt some life’s lessons and to see your progression. You can’t expect to be promoted if you fail! We came home one day and met two notes stuck to our door, addressed to my daughter and me. In them were numbers of one of my siblings asking me to contact them. I had no thoughts or feelings about that, but I had no intention of contacting anyone. They then contacted my son asking him for our numbers. After that they tried to be clueless about why we have not established contact.

It was at that point that I finally realised that God had really healed me! The walls were down! Chains broken! I did not have to have anyone determine who I am or what I am worth.

I hold no ill feelings about them, don’t even think about them. Jesus told Peter in Mathew 18:21-22, to forgive seventy times seven. He also taught his disciples’ that if your brother offends you, go as far as you can to make peace. I did all that and was rejected. Jesus also said to his disciples’ that if you take the word to people and you are rejected, dust your feet and take your peace with you.

At the end of the day, when Paul was beaten and left for dead, our Lord raised him and he re-entered the city from where he was once kicked out and excelled.

I am finally at peace, I am healed, I am no longer broken. I am stronger, I have moved on and I am not and will not look back or turn back. I have God and he is all I need! I pray that those who tried to destroy me and my kids in the past will find peace within themselves and move on too.

There seems to be a lot of hurts and pain in our world these days. Somehow, a lot of people are finding it hard to let go. Take it from me, you are only hurting yourself. I know it is not easy, but it is a whole lot better to forgive and forget, than you ending up with bitterness, stress and a host of other mental illnesses that are out there. Look around and see what not forgiving is doing to our world today! People are destroying each other and are virtually self-destructing.

There is one way, “Let go and let God”. There is nothing that God cannot do. You don’t need validation from man to be who God has called you to be. I leave you with one of the songs that helped me through those trying times.

Taking Refuge

Britain chose their new leader and reigning party a few months ago, a choice which leaves much to be desired. What was presented to the people from the other parties was not any better. The Conservatives/Republicans are now in power for another five years. This party has made a lot of changes that has impacted the lives of so many people, with the rich upper/upper middle class benefiting. I am all for ensuring that help is given where there is a genuine need, but when those in need are rigorously scrutinized and then rejected and you then see others who flagrantly abuse the benefit system, and boast openly about it, you have to stop and think. There are so many stories and documentaries on TV about them on a regular basis.

Since the formation of The European Union, Britain has become a target for health care and welfare tourists. Some of them leave their less comfortable European countries which have stricter or stringent laws and come over to Britain, milking it dry. Others come in search of a better life, not knowing that it’s not as easy as they think and that what is seen on TV is not a genuine portrayal of Britain’s economic status.

Over the last few weeks, all I have been seeing are thousands of people dying to get to Europe, especially Britain, to get what they can, risking life and limb. The elected leaders’ solution, is to divide the people and distribute them on a quota basis. Is that going to solve anything? Definitely not! First of all, most have them have already made up their minds as to where they want to go and it does not really matter where they are placed, they will eventually make their way to their country of choice. Clearly, if their home countries were more settled, less corruption, job availability with decent wages, peace, better living conditions, I would like to think that they would not be risking all to get to countries like Europe, USA, and Australia etc.

How about not encouraging and not supporting these corrupt leaders, most of whom have multi-million dollar homes worldwide, off shore and Swiss accounts? How about not selling arms to these countries in covert deals? How about not restricting and inflating the cost of medicines and food to these countries? Better yet, how about donating some of the tons of food sitting in these enormous food storage places on a regular basis, instead of waiting for the moment when these disadvantaged people are literally dying before helping?

Yes, I know that there is about maybe between 1-5 % of aid given to struggling countries (which end up being misappropriated by the corrupt leaders anyway), and that there are genuine philanthropists and saints doing their best, and I also know that a greater percentage of people out there are not genuine and have ulterior motives.

To cut a long story short, the world’s issues arises because of chosen leaders. This takes me back to when the Children of Israel demanded from God’s prophets that they wanted to choose their own leaders in 1^st Samuel 8, God allowed them and they went through years of unscrupulous leadership. Sometimes the popular choices are not the best solution. The world don’t need a quick or short term fix. Already in the USA, the race for the White house has started. Potential candidates for both parties are already slinging mud and taking pot shots at each other. Gone are the days when people acted on God’s directives. The campaign slogans as always are primarily immigration and the welfare system, with third being world terrorism.

The focus is not really about the plight of the people which is heart breaking. One group of people that I started hearing about (I was so clueless), are the Rohingya people. They are primarily referred to as Muslims and are from Rakhine state in Burma. They are constantly attempting mass migration throughout South East Asia, and their situation has resulted in a refugee crisis. According to Amnesty international, they are the most persecuted and unwanted group of people in the world. No one wants them, they are being thrown out of Burma, Pakistan, and Thailand and recently hundreds were put in boats, rowed out to sea and literally left to die.

Australia deals with their own migrants and refugees in their own way, setting up remote island detention centres in Nauru and Papua New Guinea and have even gone as far as paying the people smugglers up to $30.000 to take their human cargoes back to Indonesia (NY Times 6/22/2015). Their own group of migrants tend to come from the Asia Pacific countries.

America deals with migrants from all over the world, but their main groups are from Mexico and the South American countries. They also have stringent immigration laws and border protection and controls.

No matter where you are, immigration and refugees will be hot issues. There are so many radical groups and terrorists groups all over the world and that has left a lot of people displaced. I don’t have a solution, but I believe that the word of God says to love our neighbours as ourselves. We have to be empathic and altruistic when dealing with the lives of people. We need to think rationally and take what we hear with a pinch of salt.

when we look over the years, even as early as the biblical days, the children of Israel migrated from one place to the other, until they reached Canaan which was the land promised to them by God.They faced tests and trials, which they overcame. God said that if a stranger is going to contribute to the land, that the inhabitants should provide for them, look at The book of Ruth.These days though, there is so much fear and doubt. Almost everyone look at strangers very critically. The media and terrorist groups don't help either.

A lot of people put their trust in man instead of God. Big mistake, as our trust and focus should be on God, an i am sure that God will give us the strength to overcome. He will make it plain. Love our neighbours as ourselves and maybe the world would start to heal and get better.

GOD's Gifts

I have not been able to write for a while, mainly because my computer broke down completely, and secondly, I had a few health issues to address. So in starting again, I would like to write about gifts. For me, the most valuable gifts come from GOD. First and foremost the most precious gift of all is our Lord and saviour JESUS CHRIST, GOD’s one and only son that he gave to us. He also gave us the gift of The Holy Spirit, the gifts of his Grace, Love and Mercy. He also gave us the gift and privilege of life. Our children are precious gifts from GOD. That's just naming a few of GOD’s countless gifts that are priceless and cannot be bought. These are unconditional gifts. I am eternally thankful and grateful to GOD for all these precious and gracious gifts.

We also receive gifts from our loved ones, and even though they have been bought with money, they are priceless and have a lot of impact on our lives when they come unexpectedly. Over the last year, everything seemed to be breaking down, of course, after so many years of constant use that is bound to happen. In January, GOD made it possible for us to have a new kitchen, the only thing was that we still had the old broken down equipment in it, and we were not financially able to replace them. Then a couple of months ago, our computer broke down.

What do you do when you are not in a position to do anything? You pray and let GOD take over. You trust and believe GOD and then wait for him to move on your behalf. And we did just that. Two weeks ago, out of the blue, we were blessed with a fridge and a computer. Then last week, we were blessed with a washing machine (we have been without one for over a year). We were overwhelmed! Look at how GOD will bless someone, so that they can bless you!

But the biggest surprise came this week. I don’t believe that the few people that I know, ever knew that I have not had a cell phone for over eight or more years, not because I did not want one, but because I could not afford one. I remember going to the Radio Shack store at the Cherry Hill mall and looking at the phones, especially the Blackberry phones and really wanting one. Over the years, I kept on waiting for when I could afford one, but I also knew deep down that the appointed time would come when I would have my own cell phone. Even when I had to complete forms that had fields for cell numbers, I used my daughter’s cell number and kept on waiting. What else could I have done? There were more pressing issues that took top priority.

To cut a long story short, it is going to be my birthday in a couple of weeks’ time. I was kind of feeling out of sort last Monday afternoon, so I told Maggie that I was going to have a rest. Going into the bedroom, my daughter was sitting on the bed, waiting for me with a gift bag beside her, which she handed to me, saying that it was my early birthday present. I am not one for opening gifts early, so I told her to hold on to it until my birthday. But she insisted, and said I had no choice but to open it. Inside was a brand new Galaxy S6 phone, paid up phone plan with twenty four months insurance all paid for! I started blubbering like a baby, even telling her to keep it for herself. She told me that she got it for me and that’s that! Was I surprised! I forgot I was tired, became speechless, cried and hugged her all at the same time.

She gave me one of the best phones around. Instead of buying it for herself, she put me first! When your child becomes such a blessing to you, you know that GOD’s favour is all over you. I am now on a learning curve! Technology has really advanced since the last time I had a phone. I am learning that you can do almost anything entertainment/communication/photography, all with a phone! I keep bugging Maggie to teach me what to do, imaging that. It’s never too late to learn!

I am having so much fun with my phone, it’s like a kid with a new toy. I am so thankful and grateful to GOD for all the precious gifts that he has given to me and my children. I am especially thankful for my children and so very grateful and thankful that GOD has allowed my kids to be a blessing to me.

Waiting on GOD’s promises is not easy, but he will never fail you. His words will always manifest at the appointed time. When you pray, there is always one of three possible answers, Yes, NO or Wait I have something better. GOD has always given me something better. Even this time with my phone too!

I'll leave you with some pictures from my garden taken from my phone.

Trusting Jehovah Rapha!!

After years of self medicating, not having proper health and dental checkups, I was not surprised at the health and dental issues that I needed to have sorted out. I often wondered about the years of self medication that the children of Israel faced when they were going through the desert. I am sure that they would have had traditional healers. Most of all, they had the number one Master physician himself, the Great Jehovah Rapha! He kept them whole body soul and spirit and he had Moses overseeing things!

There are some people who don’t go to doctors, don’t believe in medical sciences or take any form of medication at all because of a variety of reasons. Some believe that they will be healed by GOD; others don’t approve/trust the chemicals found in a lot of drugs and their side effects. Of course we all need to be wary and skeptical of a lot of man made stuff.

Do I believe that GOD will heal me? Of course! I believe 100%! GOD can heal me all by himself without any help from man. I also believe that GOD uses man to do a lot of things, so that he is glorified when the impossible is made possible, and that we are all living testimonies of GOD’s goodness, grace and mercy! I believe that GOD empowered man to develop skills including the sciences!

Over the past couple of weeks, when I see Bishop Ronald King’s selfies taken at the dentist, I smile, because I am going through the same if not worse. Last December I eventually booked an appointment to see my old dentist after enduring months of pain. Needless to say, everything about the practice has changed. It was no longer the place that cared about the patients; it was all about money, as they had even merged with a bigger group. After three unsatisfactory appointments, during which I was patronized and non of the issues I presented were dealt with, I tried without success to talk to the practice manager, then wrote a letter to the practice manager voicing my complaints, but never got a reply. Still trying to give them a chance, I asked to see one of the senior dentists for a second opinion, and he did not do any proper examination, but literally colluded with the other dentist, told me nothing much was wrong and that all I needed was regular professional cleaning and that I must have sensitive teeth.

Every time I was there they were getting paid, so I decided to do something. I asked one of the nurses at my GP’s surgery/primary physician, for recommendation of a good dentist in the area, she told me about one that she had years ago. I called and was given an appointment to be seen within 72 hours. First impression of the new practice was great. I was treated with courtesy, care and true professionalism. The dentist who saw me explained step by step what she was doing, did an initial thorough examination which included x-rays. At the end of the first visit I was horrified at what was discovered.

I finally knew why I had been in so much pain over the years. After the initial examination, at least 8-10 issues that needed correction were discovered. These includes couple of root canals, fillings that were done incorrectly to be removed and redone, bridge work to be corrected, caps to be redone! I have since started the treatments and have some way to go. I have to go on a weekly basis. Last week I had one of the root canals done! Even the sound of the drills makes me cringe with pain!!

GOD works in such marvelous and mysterious ways! He knew that the old dentists were no longer right for me and he exposed their incompetence and total disregard for people, and he then directed to where I should be. I also had a part to play, by listening to his voice, when he told me to find the new dentist. When GOD promised all things new and new beginnings, I did not think that it included the dentist as well (smile). One thing I know is that my father will make sure that I get the best of every thing at the end of the day.

Some times we don’t know how, when or where our healing will come from, take the case of when Naaman was told by the prophet Elisha in 2^nd kings chapter 5 to go was in the river Jordan, he did like it as he thought that was beneath him. He actually had his preference of what rivers he would like to have a wash in, imagine that! When he obeyed the prophet, he was cured!

We sometimes try to hold on to old and familiar people and places and don’t want to change, regardless of the pain and discomfort we are encountering. We have to trust GOD when he closes doors and tells us to move on. We should stop trying to force our way back in to places where he has removed us. Some of us might encounter pain at various times in our lives, but that will not last forever.

I know the Healer; the Great Physician is in the house! By his stripes I am healed! I have been made whole! To GOD BE THE GLORY!

Dying for love

Domestic violence has been documented since Biblical times, the earliest being the account of Cain and Abel, then Tamar's violation by her brother, Joseph thrown in a pit and then sold into slavery by his brothers, just to name a few.

In recent times, statistics shows that a greater percentage of people who are assaulted or murdered are by family members or people that are close to them. Domestic violence involves children, men and women and not limited to one gender. There are a variety of reasons why people say they hurt others, some which includes jealousy, depression, and several other biological and psychological reasons.

It is also documented that the incidence of abuse is higher in children and women, although that of men is on the increase. I am passionate about domestic abuse and violence, as I have been closely affected by it. I was able to talk about it to one of my closest friends, sought help and support of existing victim support and moved out of the neighborhood within the week as advised. So it was a shock when a couple of years later, this friend that I had turned to for help, whose husband was having extramarital affairs, who was abusive physically and emotionally, beating her up constantly, chose to stay in such a horrible situation, against all advise and common sense.

Her explanation then as to why she put up with him was that they had been married for over twenty years, had three kids and that she had invested a lot in the relationship. She was the one with three jobs and was paying the mortgage, while he was drinking, smoking weed and hanging and bumming around with unsavory characters. To take her mind of the situation, she started socializing with her friends and workmates, but the situation got worse and she decided to leave him soon, but that was too late. He killed her by stabbing her to death at one of her places of work. When the body was found, there was over twenty plus stab wounds. He pleaded temporary insanity and was found not guilty of 1^st degree murder, and apart of the time he spent on remand while waiting for the trial, which was less than a year, he walked free.

It has taken me years to get to grips with this, as to why children, men and women has to endure and put up with so much premeditated and calculated violence. Most say that they stayed because of love, and that the other person promised to change. Love does not hurt and should not hurt. Every day in the news you see these horror stories of victims of violence.

There seems to be such a need for acceptance and what is perceived as love. I am not saying that of all these cases, but I know for sure that a lot of people put up with violence and abuse in the myth that the abusive person would change. I have heard so many excuses “I did not love them any more” “he/she was annoying me”, “someone made him angry”, “food was not ready on time”, “kids were crying and would not stop”, “house was not cleaned properly” and a host of other excuses.

Some people think that having any type of partner or children is a vital accessory, just because he, she or they have one, doesn't mean you should. People are not bags, shoes or jewelry. Genuine love should not be painful. Love should be unconditional, just like GOD’s AGAPE love that he has for us and gave to us. He gave us his one and only son because he loved us so much. Our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST gave up his life for us John 3:16.

I know being alone is not a great feeling. If GOD had wanted us to be alone, he would have just created Adam or Eve, but after he created Adam, GOD said that he needed a help mate and he created Eve so that they can love and support each other, not to beat each other up or kill each other.

 Yes there are countless stories of infidelity and adultery in the Bible, but a greater percentage of that is due to man’s disobedience and lust for what is not theirs to have in the first place. I know that GOD always punished people for blatant disobedience, even those that he really and truly loved. David was the apple of GOD’s eye, but he reprimanded and punished him after he got Bathsheba’s husband killed so that he could have her for himself. Cain was punished after he killed his brother because of jealousy. No evil can escape the wrath of GOD. GOD said “Vengeance is mine. I will repay: Romans 12:19”.

If and when you know that a relationship is bad for you and has gone pear shaped, don’t even walk, run as fast as you can. The word of GOD says that if a person doesn’t want to change there is nothing any one can do to change them. Don’t expect a violent, aggressive, hurtful and hateful person to change because you want them to. It has to be their decision; they have to be remorseful and really and truly want to change. When that happens, they can get help.

If you are facing physical or emotional abuse from any one whatsoever, seek help!! There are a lot of help out there, no matter what country or continent you are!! Go to the police, go to the authorities! I know not every thing will go the way they should, but do something. You have to help yourself or want help.

Seek GOD’s love and pray. If even your prayer is “I need you GOD! Help me please”, is good enough! He will, he hears and answers prayers. It might not be what you want, but he will give you what is best for you.

http://www.themordecaiproject.org/welcome

I stumbled on this ministry, which is a Christian ministry devoted to healing, protecting and empowering women all around the world. I pray that they and all the other resources that are available will help the countless number of people who are going through so much hurt and pain on a daily basis. Never forget that our GOD and our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST, The Lily of the valley are always there for you!

Still thankful

It is really amazing how faithful and how true to his word GOD is. Sometimes when you read the word, or a prophetic word is spoken over your life and don’t see the manifestation in real life, you kind of wonder whether you heard or read right, and whether you understood what was said.

Over the years, one of GOD’s words that I have read and have been spoken over my daughter’s and my life was this verse from Genesis 50:20

This is another testimony of GOD's grace and mercies in our lives over the years, and it has been happening over and over again. We have literally had the enemy come at us from all angles. They no longer hide or pretend. But guess what? In as much as they have been attacking, GOD has been fighting for us. He has been so hard at work on our behalf and I am so thankful that we belong to a father who loves us ever so much!

One of the scenarios that have finally played out is this. Sometime in early July, we noticed that a couple of days after we finally got rid of the squatter enemy that was in our home, we had rodents. Up to six months since our return, they were not there and all of a sudden they were there. We live on the first floor of a detached house and there was no way they could fly up there. In order for our Housing association to take action, we needed the co-operation of the downstairs neighbor, who refused.

So I called the local authority and they confirmed the problem and source. I took that information to the housing association. They then sent a company to block the entry points in the kitchen, but the worker sent did not do anything. The enemy was trying to get us to leave our GOD given home, but GOD stepped in. After waiting for weeks and nothing was done, I raised a formal complaint through their online system. At this point I was so infuriated, and never saw GOD’s hand in this, but there was this urgency one morning to make the complaint.

Well, to cut a very long story short, even though they usually take at least two weeks to respond, they got back to me within twenty four hours. At the same time, a surveyor was sent to assess the kitchen and what needs to be done. She promised to do something about it, fix the cupboards, change the kitchen, whatever it takes.

In less than two weeks, one week before Christmas, got a call from a company that they have been given the contract to give us a brand new kitchen! Two weeks ago, we now have a brand new kitchen from floor to ceiling, the contractors even gave us the first gift of a brand new black wall clock, as our kitchen is white and our theme is black and white!You see, our old kitchen was over twenty years old, holes in the cupboards and unit shelves and doors falling off, and at GOD's perfect timing, he restored the old for new! GOD is so good! He said I will make all things new and he did just that!

I am purposed to be Thankful every day of my life, because I know that no matter what comes at me, GOD has got my back and that’s all that matters.

Made new!!

I love GOD, I love my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, i love life. Watching the plants, birds and nature makes me smile. I look forward to the seasons changing, the fall colors, and the frosty winter mornings.i love my two children that GOD has Blessed me with. I love fine chocolate, my favorite being Godiva and Lindt. I love traveling and good food.

You would think that with all the loves of my life, I should be fulfilled and secure? Wrong, I get hurt very easily. I always seem to set myself up for a fall no matter what I do or where I go. Subconsciously, I have allowed others to use me and I find myself trying too hard to be accepted.  Every friendship/relationships that I have had over the years have ended in agony, sadness or disappointment. I am afraid to get to know people or even get close to anyone, because I fear that sooner or later it ends with me trying to pick up the pieces.

I am helpful and compassionate and will give the shirt of my back to anyone who needs it and I am well aware of the needs and issues of those around me, yet it seems I am stuck in the same revolving door. So I asked my daughter whether something is wrong with me that I am not aware of. She said I am fine and not to worry. Someone once told me that I am too in your face with people, that I cling to people too much and that I look too needy and that’s why people walk way from me.

So I took my questioning to the only one who can answer me truthfully. I was amazed at the stuff The Holy Spirit allowed me to access. It took me back to my childhood years, around the age of between 4-5 years, when I was living with my dad and his family (step mom, grandma, cousins, aunts and uncle). See, my mom was out of town working and studying. My mornings would usually start at about 5 am with doing chores and start prepping breakfast, get hot water ready for the household to have their baths etc. Imagine all that, 5 years old, doing all of that while all the others that were older than me slept. Well I was told time and time again that I was never wanted in the first place.

If I did not comply, I would get a few slaps and kicks, locked in the cellar and the endless nagging and calling me all kinds of names (my dad left my mom when I was 6 months old), so just imagine the names I was called. Once, my step mom threw a hot electric iron at me and I suffered third degree burns, the scars I still bear today, plus a few others. Because of all this, I went into self preservation mode. I worked like a horse, even before I was asked, in order to avoid the abuse and beatings. I now know that a lot of mean and insecure people take it out on others, in order to make themselves feel good about themselves.

I discovered then that if I give people stuff and what they want, or do stuff for them, they would like me and not hurt me, not realizing that it was superficial and temporary. That was the mindset that I carried till this very day. Over the years, I was taken for granted by even people who were close to me and I allowed it, too desperate to fit in, too scared to speak up or tell them how much their actions/attitudes hurt me, as I thought I would lose them if I did.

This well of frustration and pain has been churning and eating at me over the years and constantly tells me and reminds me of my past failures. Then on 2014’s New Year’s Eve, my Pastor brought a word saying that GOD wants me to let go of the past, forget about the hurt and pains and to live in the present with him, in order for me to be to be Blessed. How do you let go completely and forget a lifetime of physical and emotional hurt, pain and rejection? It is not so simple, but is doable. After trying my way for so long, i am now ready to let GOD do the healing his way, and I am also asking him to show me what I have to do, as I am so clueless.

Years ago, Bishop Elect Ronald King Sr spoke a prophetic word to me, telling me to live and not just exist. Little did he know that he was so right. I have just been going through the motion of existing every day. I now realize that changing starts with me. I can’t change others, but I can change me. I will, even if it is going to be one step at a time. I will learn to stand up for myself, not allow others to manipulate me anymore or put me down any more.

2015 is going to be the year that I will start to really live again, love again, learn to trust again, find pleasure in life again. So many people blame themselves for what happened to them over years, as I did. I now fully understand that myself and countless of others are not to blame for what we suffered through the years.

When GOD said “vengeance is mine, I will repay”, he meant it. The battle is not mine or ours, but GOD’s and he will take care of everything if we will just let him.

Yesterday the word that my Pastor brought was for me. Every conversation that I have had with GOD and every question that I have asked over the past week were answered in the word yesterday. He also said that it was time to pick up the pieces and continue.  That I am going to do. Ephesians 4:23 says “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind”. I am also happy that in renewing my mindset, I joined this Facebook blogging group, that share the same Christian values with me, it is a start, and I have been truly encouraged and blessed by some of the posts I have read over the past couple of days. I listen to uplifting and positive Christian music, my favorite station is KLove, which I listen to online, try to read The Word and pick empowering verses daily.

Every day I see the news about what goes on around the world and I am so Thankful that I belong to GOD and that he loves me and would never leave me nor forsake, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. To so many out there, who are going through so many tests and trials, so long as you have GOD, you have hope. Be encouraged and be Blessed!!

Thankful!!

 Happy New Year!! I just cannot believe that 2015 is here. This time last year, things were so different for my daughter and me. We were living in a different place and atmosphere, not knowing whether we were coming or going. It took great faith to get us where we are today. We had to fully trust and believe GOD for everything.

Initially this piece was going to be about going through the fire and the storm, but I will leave that for a later date. For now, I am thankful and I want to thank GOD for being with us during the fire and the storm.

Ten months on, since we returned to London, England, we still have not been able to find a home church. When you have been a member of a faith based church, one that is ideal and feed your every need, where the pastors are GOD’s anointed prophets, your standards and expectations are set for life. The Living Hope Christian Center was all that to us and our pastors Ronald King Sr and Angela King were the best! The word was awesome, prayers and teachings were on point. I really miss my church family, so as I could not be with them in person on New Year’s Eve, I joined them on live stream at 3am London time, as we are five hours ahead. I just could not miss it.

I joined them with pastor Ronald singing this song “fill me up, till I overflow. I wanna run over” immediately I started worshipping and the presence of GOD was so powerful in our living room. There was no distance in worship! Then Pastor Vorlea Chaney brought the word from Colossian 2:15 and Isaiah 54:1-17. 

As she was speaking, the spirit of GOD was so overwhelming and it took me through the last ten months, the battle that we went through and the victory he won for us!

Pastor Ronald spoke from Isaiah 43:18&19 and his words just answered and confirmed my prayers and questions that I have been asking over the past few days, and GOD’s response to the questions. He reminded me that it is really time to let go of the past and live in the present, in order for GOD to Bless us.

It is a mandate from GOD and I am choosing to obey him! I know it can be difficult, but I would rather be blessed in the present, than continue living in the past. There is so much unforgiveness in our world today; it can be seen all round us. So much bitterness and hate because of so many petty and trivial issues. I pray that all of us will just take all our concerns to GOD, let go and let GOD take control. I guarantee that we will live happier and peaceful lives.

Every day is a new year for GOD. He gives us the opportunity to start and do over everyday. I am purposed to do something good everyday from now on, a smile, a helping hand, whatever it takes. It might not be massive, might not even get noticed by anyone but GOD, but I am doing it!! By the way, I have also resolved to not complain, talk about or moan about insensitive or noisy neighbors from now on! It is just not worth it! 

I was also reminded by my Pastor about A’Driane’s word of the year theme, choosing a word to focus on during the year. My word for this year is Thankful!! I choose to be Thankful every second of my life, realizing that it is a gift and privilege from GOD!