Domestic violence has been documented since Biblical times,
the earliest being the account of Cain and Abel, then Tamar's violation by her brother, Joseph thrown in a
pit and then sold into slavery by his brothers, just to name a few.
In recent times, statistics shows that a greater percentage
of people who are assaulted or murdered are by family members or people that
are close to them. Domestic violence involves children, men and women and not
limited to one gender. There are a variety of reasons why people say they hurt
others, some which includes jealousy, depression, and several other biological
and psychological reasons.
It is also documented that the incidence of abuse is higher
in children and women, although that of men is on the increase. I am passionate
about domestic abuse and violence, as I have been closely affected by it. I was
able to talk about it to one of my closest friends, sought help and support of
existing victim support and moved out of the neighborhood within the week as
advised. So it was a shock when a couple of years later, this friend that I had
turned to for help, whose husband was having extramarital affairs, who was
abusive physically and emotionally, beating her up constantly, chose to stay in
such a horrible situation, against all advise and common sense.
Her explanation then as to why she put up with him was that
they had been married for over twenty years, had three kids and that she had
invested a lot in the relationship. She was the one with three jobs and was
paying the mortgage, while he was drinking, smoking weed and hanging and
bumming around with unsavory characters. To take her mind of the situation, she
started socializing with her friends and workmates, but the situation got worse
and she decided to leave him soon, but that was too late. He killed her by
stabbing her to death at one of her places of work. When the body was found,
there was over twenty plus stab wounds. He pleaded temporary insanity and was
found not guilty of 1st degree murder, and apart of the time he
spent on remand while waiting for the trial, which was less than a year, he
walked free.
It has taken me years to get to grips with this, as to why
children, men and women has to endure and put up with so much premeditated and
calculated violence. Most say that they stayed because of love, and that the
other person promised to change. Love does not hurt and should not hurt. Every
day in the news you see these horror stories of victims of violence.
There seems to be such a need for acceptance and what is
perceived as love. I am not saying that of all these cases, but I know for sure
that a lot of people put up with violence and abuse in the myth that the
abusive person would change. I have heard so many excuses “I did not love them
any more” “he/she was annoying me”, “someone made him angry”, “food was not ready
on time”, “kids were crying and would not stop”, “house was not cleaned
properly” and a host of other excuses.
Some people think that having any type of partner or children
is a vital accessory, just because he, she or they have one, doesn't mean you
should. People are not bags, shoes or jewelry. Genuine love should not be
painful. Love should be unconditional, just like GOD’s AGAPE love that he has
for us and gave to us. He gave us his one and only son because he loved us so
much. Our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST gave up his life for us John 3:16.
I know being alone is not a great feeling. If GOD had wanted
us to be alone, he would have just created Adam or Eve, but after he created
Adam, GOD said that he needed a help mate and he created Eve so that they can
love and support each other, not to beat each other up or kill each other.
Yes
there are countless stories of infidelity and adultery in the Bible, but a
greater percentage of that is due to man’s disobedience and lust for what is
not theirs to have in the first place. I know that GOD always punished people
for blatant disobedience, even those that he really and truly loved. David was
the apple of GOD’s eye, but he reprimanded and punished him after he got
Bathsheba’s husband killed so that he could have her for himself. Cain was
punished after he killed his brother because of jealousy. No evil can escape
the wrath of GOD. GOD said “Vengeance is mine. I will repay: Romans 12:19”.
If and when you know that a relationship is bad for you and
has gone pear shaped, don’t even walk, run as fast as you can. The word of GOD
says that if a person doesn’t want to change there is nothing any one can do to
change them. Don’t expect a violent, aggressive, hurtful and hateful person to
change because you want them to. It has to be their decision; they have to be
remorseful and really and truly want to change. When that happens, they can get
help.
If you are facing physical or emotional abuse from any one
whatsoever, seek help!! There are a lot of help out there, no matter what
country or continent you are!! Go to the police, go to the authorities! I know
not every thing will go the way they should, but do something. You have to
help yourself or want help.
Seek GOD’s love and pray. If even your prayer is “I need you
GOD! Help me please”, is good enough! He will, he hears and answers prayers. It
might not be what you want, but he will give you what is best for you.
I stumbled on this ministry, which is a Christian ministry
devoted to healing, protecting and empowering women all around the world. I pray
that they and all the other resources that are available will help the
countless number of people who are going through so much hurt and pain on a
daily basis. Never forget that our GOD and our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST,
The Lily of the valley are always there for you!
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