Learning to love me the way GOD does

What’s wrong with me? What was wrong with me? Why don’t people love me? Why cant people see me for who I am? Am I a good person?

These were the questions I asked myself and my daughter a myriad of times over the past few years. I was so skeptical, that when some people say the word “Love you”, I did not even believe it. I often asked myself “why don’t I love myself anymore and why am I trying to belong where i don’t?”

I often hear the word love thrown around so often, at times used so frivolously, that I started digging deeper to find out what it really meant and what it was all about J yes I am grown, but I wanted to know in-depth.

Love is a word that has so many meanings and is used in so many contexts. The Oxford English dictionary defines love as “a strong feeling of affection.” Love is also classified as a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes, ranging from interpersonal affections, to an emotion of strong attraction and personal attraction. Whew!! Love can also be a virtue that represents human kindness and compassionate actions towards others.

As a Christian, I know that the Bible puts a lot of emphasis on love. Our Lord JESUS made such a strong point on love. In John 21:15-17 he asked Peter whether he loved him. I believe our Lord was asking Peter about unconditional love, which is what Jesus was all about. In 2^nd Corinthians 13:13 it says “so now faith, hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love”. Jesus even said in Mathew 22:39 that we should love our neighbor as ourselves.

I wonder if we really know and understand the meaning of love and do a lot of people really love themselves and others. If most people do, they would not knowingly put themselves in so many life threatening situations. Lust is often confused with love. We as humans lust after approval from people, materialistic things and a lot of times we lust after the lifestyle of others and say that we love all that.

Love implies that we need to have a strong affection, attachment, kindness and compassion for ourselves and others, but do we? If we love ourselves, we are meant to take care of our physical, emotional and spiritual health, and not knowingly or intentionally hurt ourselves or others. I love ice cream and a few times I have cringed when Pastor Ronald talked about leaving that extra piece of desert alone, as I am trying very hard to lose some of this weight that crept up on me over the years. Not knowing the true meaning of love, especially GOD’s love for us usually cause some people to look for love in the wrong places or from the wrong people.

Over the past few years, I felt that I had to seek for approval from people and then their approval will show that they love me. I allowed myself to be patronized and talked down to, and yet still forced myself to try to be a part of groups of people, when it was so obvious that I did not belong. A lot of times, I would find myself taking the roles of maid, babysitter, dishwasher, housekeeper, cleaner etc, just so that I would feel needed, useful and wanted. I was left out of social groups and circles. I just did not fit!!

I started to doubt myself and at that point even wondered whether I loved myself. Maybe if I just had more money, dressed better, do what society considered the norm, people would love me enough to want to be close to me.

Then GOD snapped me out of it. I remembered a few of the words and teachings of Pastor Ronald and Pastor Angela at Living Hope. I realize that I was not created to fit in! I was unique, fearfully and wonderfully made! GOD reminded me of how he loved me, so much so that he sent his son to die just for me!

My eyes opened. GOD revealed people that my life would impact, that cared about me and loved me for who I was. There was the grounds man at our complex that will go out of his way to talk to me, the lady at the gatehouse who ministered to me when she saw me down. Then there was this young man of GOD who is now my unofficial adopted son and this young and awesome young woman of GOD who is so precious, that I call her Precious they went the whole nine yards, the hugs, phone calls, emails etc just to make sure that my daughter and me were okay. They did not have much but did their best and I will be forever grateful and thankful that GOD allowed them to come into my life.(I wont put them on blast) but you know who you are!

I started to see myself differently. I was just trying to be who GOD did not create me to be. I had no problem, nothing was wrong with me. If others could not see me, love me or accept me for whom I was, then it meant they had the problem or were just not meant to be in my life.

I know that there are a lot of people struggling with acceptance and personal identities. You might be feeling unloved, rejected, seeking approval from society. Don’t!! Inasmuch as we were created to co-exist with each other, we don’t need man’s approval to live and love. Remember that GOD has far more love for you and me than what anyone is capable of giving you.  Instead of worrying about everything, start looking for what makes you smile. Pray and ask GOD for directions and guidance. He will! Worship GOD! I found out that after spending time with GOD everything looks and feels better! Listen to music that is uplifting. I listen to Gospel and Christian music daily and that’s why I add some of the songs that bless me daily on my blogs.

Everyday I am rediscovering myself. Loving myself more and more each day and learning to live all over again and now i am leaving you with The Newsboys "your love never fails" to remind myself and you  that GOD's love never fails!! Awesome!

Chose to forgive!

I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately, and I started this piece with the above song, as it reflects my thoughts and prayers.

My pastor posted on face book a couple of days ago that some unknown person placed a razor under his tires and they got slashed. Instead of ranting and raving, he prayed for GOD to forgive whoever it was. I wonder how many of us would have done that. Pastor Ronald has always taught us to forgive, because as he put it, it makes no sense that you are sitting angry and frustrated, and the people who have hurt you are living their lives not even thinking about you.

A lot of us have been hurt physically, spiritually and emotionally by people close to us whom we least expected to, and to be honest it is not an easy task to forgive and forget, especially if you have been through a seemingly endless cycle of hurt and pain.

The English dictionary defines forgiveness as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feeling and stop being angry or resentful towards another.

It is not uncommon for Christians to have questions about forgiveness. The act of forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. It took a long time before I was able to let it go and let GOD take control. We instinctively try to protect ourselves and loved ones when we have been intentionally hurt, yet at some point in time, we might have unintentionally wrong someone.

Many times we have hurt GOD by not praising, worshipping or thanking him when we should. We have ignored him so many times, blamed him for no justifiable reason when things have gone wrong in our lives, yet he forgives us every time.

A lot of us question whether to forgive is an emotional state or a conscious choice. My belief is that we choose to forgive based on GOD’s commandment. Colossians 3:3 say “Bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another, forgive as the Lord forgave you”.

Even when we don’t feel like it, we forgive by faith because we are obedient to GOD and we then trust GOD to do the healing in us to make us whole again. Jesus said in Mathew 18:21&22" Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” In the Lord’s Prayer, in part we pray “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.

Even though we believe that some of the things we have done in the past are hidden from everyone, GOD sees all and forgives us. Sadly, there are a lot of disillusioned people who are living in denial, who remain convinced that they can get away with anything, simply because as they put it “there is no GOD, he does not exist!” I want to give those people a reality check! GOD exists! GOD is real! And GOD sees everything we do and he forgives us when we repent our sins!

Because GOD who sees and knows our deepest hurts, pains and secrets forgives us, we can also choose to forgive others. I have chosen to forgive and forget, so that I can live my life in peace. Who knows, by forgiving others and letting go of all the heavy burdens we carry, there will be a huge reduction of stress, less anxiety and depression and a whole lot of love going around. This next song just shows that my past is behind me and i am moving forward!! Love it!

 So beloved, for your peace of mind, to live in peace, for your love of GOD and so much more, choose to forgive!

GOD’s Beauty is all around, even when we can’t see it!

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, or how strong your faith is, circumstances you encounter sometimes leaves you weak and disillusioned. That’s when it helps to look around and see the beauty GOD has created. There is so much beauty around us!

Looking at the plants, spotting a caterpillar, do you tend to see just a slug or the beautiful butterfly that will emerge?

Monarch caterpillar and butterfly

On a frosty winter day, going down the road or through the park, looking at the trees that are bare, do you just see bare branches appearing to be dead or do you see the soon to bloom buds when spring emerges?

On a stormy day, heavy rain and winds, dark clouds, is all you see gloom,

 or do you look beyond the clouds for if by chance a rainbow will appear?

Do you just see the thorns in rose bushes,

 or the magnificent roses?

After the life changing journey GOD has taken me, I have made a conscious effort to look for and appreciate the beautiful things in life that GOD has created. For that moment in time nothing else seems to matter. By seeing the beauty in all of GOD's other creations, we can be able to see the beauty in us as well.  To GOD be the glory, great things he has done!!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made all things beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart…”

Being Humble Doesn't Mean I'm Weak.

“By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honor, and life”- Proverbs 22:4.

I first took real notice of the words humble and humility about eight years ago. We were attending a church that was pastured by a family member, we were going because we were new in the neighborhood, even though we were not comfortable, but we felt the need to praise and worship GOD with others. On this particular day I did not go for altar call (I usually do every week), when GOD gave the pastor a word for me. I remember it till this very day” If you stay humble, everything will be alright”.

When this was said, I did not understand what it meant, as I was always a very quiet and compassionate person, also Life was pretty fair and things were progressing fairly well. Secondly I was always under the impression that your Pastor/Priest were meant to pray for you, watch your back, protect you spiritually and pray you through difficult times. This one didn’t! This lady went on to destroy us and our reputation with the few people we knew in the community, she told people that even GOD was telling us that we were proud and thought too much of ourselves! We left that church so fast, it was not where we belong and went on to find one that suited us! Coming form London UK, not knowing a lot of people, we were a bit conservative, private and cautious but not proud. I would usually go out of the way to offer a helping hand to others.

Having worked all my life, I had never depended on anyone for anything, but that does not mean I was proud, and even if we were facing some form of difficulty, I did not believe that anyone should allow others to put them down, no matter what their circumstances are.

After that pastor hurt and humiliated us so much, I did research about God’s take on humility and to find the true meaning of humility. The definition of humble in the English dictionary is “modest, not proud or arrogant”. Throughout the Bible GOD and our Lord Jesus, had a lot to say about humility. First of all, starting with Jesus, he came down to earth as man, was born in the humblest of places, lived his life simply, was taunted and provoked by man and eventually was killed between thieves, when he had GOD and legions of angels to use if he wanted to, yet he lived a simple life, he had nothing to prove, because he knew who he was.

1^st Peter 5:6 says, ^“ Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time”. James 4:6 says, “ But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble”.When a lot of people saw us being humble, they assumed that we were weak. Mathew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” .

Being humble and meek is often under-appreciated in modern society, but it turns out that the secret to success and fulfillment may very well lie in the ability to be humble. Humble people are often seen as weak, and passive. What is not seen is that humble people are usually not self absorbed or prideful and that they can be compassionate people. Humility should come naturally to a lot of people, but it usually need to be learnt.

By staying humble, my daughter and me were able to cope with all the issues we had to deal with. We had GOD’s Grace and that was enough! Yes it was painful but GOD’s amazing Grace enabled us to ask for the help and advice we needed. I know people who have refused help, even though they needed it and they have actually said that they are too proud to accept charity. These are Christians who ought to know the word of GOD! They ought to know better! As Christians, they should know what GOD says about pride. Some people at times say that, “I am too humble to ask for help”, really people?

Please don’t confuse pride with humility. We should be thankful, grateful and humble enough to recognize that it is GOD’s amazing Grace that takes us through every second of every day and not our own resources or strength!

Below is a song that always reminds me of God's grace.

No rock will take my place;Praising and worshipping GOD!

I start with this psalm, because since I was growing up, this was the second psalm i learnt as a child:

"Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all ye lands.

  Serve the Lord with gladness:
  Come before his presence with singing.

  Know ye that the Lord he is God:

  It is he that hath made us,  and not we ourselves;

  We are his people, and the sheep of his pasture.

  Enter into his gates with thanksgiving,

  And into his courts with praise:

 Be thankful unto him, and bless his name.

 For the Lord is good; his mercy is everlasting;

 And his truth endureth to all generations."

   I never understood its importance, until I learnt the significance of praising and worshipping GOD. My Pastor at LHCC, Pastor Ronald King SR always use this term “I am giving GOD a yet praise!”. When I first heard this years ago, I did not know what it meant, and even when I understood its meaning, I was unable to fully praise and worship GOD. Not that I resented doing it, but first and foremost, my heart was heavy. I also came from a church that was too reserved, traditional, there was no clapping, shouting, no raising of hands or even dancing. I bet you that if I go back and do all that, I will be put out. As for the singing, well that’s another story. Second of all, I was hurting emotionally, physically and spiritually from ones that I had trusted and looked up to.

   It is not easy singing, clapping, praising GOD when in pain and you look around you seeing everyone having such a great time. I had built this wall around me to stop anyone coming close to me, to stop them from hurting me anymore, not knowing that the wall was not only keeping people out, but it was also preventing GOD from coming closer to heal me and stop all the pain. Being in LHCC slowly helped me to tear down the walls. Pastor Angela King, who is such an awesome worshipper, always said we should leave every issue behind and enter church dancing and singing. I was able to let go and allow the Holy Spirit to take over and take control. It was then that fully got what Pastor Ronald meant by giving GOD a yet praise. At that point, I knew that I had done all I could do in my present situation, and that only GOD can do the rest. LHCC has one of the best praise and worship team ever! The minister of worship Ronald King Jr has a phenomenal voice!

   All I did in the beginning was close my eyes and listen to him and the team and listen and my healing started, and slowly I saw GOD all around me. I started praising and worshipping GOD with all of me! Tears came from nowhere and it felt great! There was a sense of relief and release. I have heard of churches that don’t believe or practice using musical instruments in their churches. Some don’t even believe women should be a part of the praise and worship team! I don’t know where they got their ideas from, because even the Bible advocates using instruments to praise and worship GOD. It is mentioned in nearly every bible book, especially the Psalms. When king David was bringing back the Ark to Jerusalem, he danced to praise and worship GOD “and David danced before the Lord with all his might 2^nd Samuel 6:14”

   Miriam led the women in praise and worship in the desert “ then Miriam the prophet Aaron’s sister took a timbrel (tambourine) in her hand and all the women followed her with timbrels in their hands dancing and Miriam sang to them “sing to the Lord for he is highly exalted Exodus 15:20”. Praise is when you thank GOD for what he did and worship is when you give him glory for who he is ( T D Jake ministries). I learnt that praise is the joyful recounting of all GOD has done for me. It was me thanking GOD for all his mighty works, past, present and pending on my behalf.

   My pastor always says that worship should come from deep down in your belly when you are truly worshipping GOD. Worship comes from a different place deep in our spirits. Worship should be reserved for GOD alone (Luke 4:8), and not for people, things etc, as is commonly done these days. Worship is the art of losing oneself in the adoration of GOD. It gets to the heart of who we are, to truly worship GOD, we should be able to humble ourselves before him, surrendering every part of our lives to his control, love him for who he is, not for what he has done. It should not be occasional, not seasonal, not just when we are in the mood. Praise and worship should be our daily lifestyle!

   I now praise and worship GOD without inhibition or hesitance no matter where I am or how I feel or whatever tests or trials, or darts or curve-balls the enemy is throwing, because I was created to praise and worship GOD, because if we don’t, GOD can raise stones to worship him. I would rather take those rocks and a sling like David did and go after those giants guess what? I have made up my mind that NO ROCK WILL TAKE MY PLACE! Hallelujah King JESUS!! Hallelujah GOD!! Great things you have done! You are and always will be The Great I AM!!

Outreach-Manna from Heaven

Luke 11:5-13:

Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’  And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’  I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.

 “So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead?  Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion?  If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”

The word of the Lord says “I will supply all of your needs according to my riches and glory”. I would like to believe that I am right when I say that it was GOD himself that started the first community outreach program, when he provided Manna from Heaven for the children of Israel, when they were wandering through the desert tired and hungry after they left Egypt. This was then continued by our  lord Jesus Christ when he fed the 4000 and 5000 people who were following him while he was teaching, with just a couple of loaves and fishes.

GOD has always told us to love our neighbors and our lord always included that in his teachings as the above scripture noted. GOD certainly provided for my daughter and me when we were in dire need. There is too much unnecessary hunger and need in the world today, and by this I am talking also about Europe, America and the western world, and not only Africa and the sub-Saharan regions. Last September, the CEO of Panera bread in the United States, lived for a week on $35.00, which is the average one is expected to live on. He and a group of other top personnel were trying to find out if it was possible and what it feels like, as they apparently wanted to highlight hunger issues of people on welfare and related programs, and people on low incomes. It is estimated that 49 million Americans live on food stamps and 2.52 million people in the United Kingdom are unemployed with only 1.52 million claiming welfare, due to the stigma attached to it

For a lot of people, it is very embarrassing to be on welfare, and even when you are, what is given is barely enough to cover basic necessities, much more get food. Not everyone on welfare is lazy or a scrounger, and I am thankful that the service is in place for people who are in genuine need. A lot of people lost their jobs due to downsizing because of the slump in economy, migration and a host of other reasons, and were left with no choice but to look for help. Even people who are on minimum wage are struggling.

For years we survived on a one income minimum wage and after rent, utilities and transportation cost, there was hardly anything left for food. During this time, GOD allowed specific people to Bless us with food, he also directed us to other available resources such as local charities, food banks, church and other religious organization charities. We also utilize local farmers markets as we were able to get fresh food, vegetables, eggs and bread at very reasonable prices.

On our return to London, we have very limited funds and we are active jobseekers and I have been able to put in place the lessons GOD taught us while we lived in the United States. I am very creative with ideas to provide healthy, very tasty and nutritious meals. Even when we shop in big name stores, we buy store brands which are usually more than 50% cheaper and our meat of choice is chicken and at times our faithful GOD provides extras for us to even get ground beef.

It is really important to reach out to others regardless of your own personal circumstances, especially when we know they are in need, and not wait for them to ask us before we do something, as it can be a very embarrassing experience! I know, I have been there!. I recently read a post from a young lady on Facebook and it really touched a nerve! It reads “charity begins at home. We cant help anyone else if we cant even see and recognize the people that are hurting right in our own family, especially if they are hurting as a result of our actions or lack of support” well said! We might not have the financial means to help, but showing and educating them about available resources can be a great help. Even a smile and a hug can work miracles!

I will also be posting recipes from meals that I prepare and almost every ingredient can be got from a basic stocked larder.

Instead of asking all the why’s of people’s circumstances, let us do something, because GOD made us to be a Blessing for the Kingdom!!!