Dying for love

Domestic violence has been documented since Biblical times, the earliest being the account of Cain and Abel, then Tamar's violation by her brother, Joseph thrown in a pit and then sold into slavery by his brothers, just to name a few.

In recent times, statistics shows that a greater percentage of people who are assaulted or murdered are by family members or people that are close to them. Domestic violence involves children, men and women and not limited to one gender. There are a variety of reasons why people say they hurt others, some which includes jealousy, depression, and several other biological and psychological reasons.

It is also documented that the incidence of abuse is higher in children and women, although that of men is on the increase. I am passionate about domestic abuse and violence, as I have been closely affected by it. I was able to talk about it to one of my closest friends, sought help and support of existing victim support and moved out of the neighborhood within the week as advised. So it was a shock when a couple of years later, this friend that I had turned to for help, whose husband was having extramarital affairs, who was abusive physically and emotionally, beating her up constantly, chose to stay in such a horrible situation, against all advise and common sense.

Her explanation then as to why she put up with him was that they had been married for over twenty years, had three kids and that she had invested a lot in the relationship. She was the one with three jobs and was paying the mortgage, while he was drinking, smoking weed and hanging and bumming around with unsavory characters. To take her mind of the situation, she started socializing with her friends and workmates, but the situation got worse and she decided to leave him soon, but that was too late. He killed her by stabbing her to death at one of her places of work. When the body was found, there was over twenty plus stab wounds. He pleaded temporary insanity and was found not guilty of 1^st degree murder, and apart of the time he spent on remand while waiting for the trial, which was less than a year, he walked free.

It has taken me years to get to grips with this, as to why children, men and women has to endure and put up with so much premeditated and calculated violence. Most say that they stayed because of love, and that the other person promised to change. Love does not hurt and should not hurt. Every day in the news you see these horror stories of victims of violence.

There seems to be such a need for acceptance and what is perceived as love. I am not saying that of all these cases, but I know for sure that a lot of people put up with violence and abuse in the myth that the abusive person would change. I have heard so many excuses “I did not love them any more” “he/she was annoying me”, “someone made him angry”, “food was not ready on time”, “kids were crying and would not stop”, “house was not cleaned properly” and a host of other excuses.

Some people think that having any type of partner or children is a vital accessory, just because he, she or they have one, doesn't mean you should. People are not bags, shoes or jewelry. Genuine love should not be painful. Love should be unconditional, just like GOD’s AGAPE love that he has for us and gave to us. He gave us his one and only son because he loved us so much. Our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST gave up his life for us John 3:16.

I know being alone is not a great feeling. If GOD had wanted us to be alone, he would have just created Adam or Eve, but after he created Adam, GOD said that he needed a help mate and he created Eve so that they can love and support each other, not to beat each other up or kill each other.

 Yes there are countless stories of infidelity and adultery in the Bible, but a greater percentage of that is due to man’s disobedience and lust for what is not theirs to have in the first place. I know that GOD always punished people for blatant disobedience, even those that he really and truly loved. David was the apple of GOD’s eye, but he reprimanded and punished him after he got Bathsheba’s husband killed so that he could have her for himself. Cain was punished after he killed his brother because of jealousy. No evil can escape the wrath of GOD. GOD said “Vengeance is mine. I will repay: Romans 12:19”.

If and when you know that a relationship is bad for you and has gone pear shaped, don’t even walk, run as fast as you can. The word of GOD says that if a person doesn’t want to change there is nothing any one can do to change them. Don’t expect a violent, aggressive, hurtful and hateful person to change because you want them to. It has to be their decision; they have to be remorseful and really and truly want to change. When that happens, they can get help.

If you are facing physical or emotional abuse from any one whatsoever, seek help!! There are a lot of help out there, no matter what country or continent you are!! Go to the police, go to the authorities! I know not every thing will go the way they should, but do something. You have to help yourself or want help.

Seek GOD’s love and pray. If even your prayer is “I need you GOD! Help me please”, is good enough! He will, he hears and answers prayers. It might not be what you want, but he will give you what is best for you.

http://www.themordecaiproject.org/welcome

I stumbled on this ministry, which is a Christian ministry devoted to healing, protecting and empowering women all around the world. I pray that they and all the other resources that are available will help the countless number of people who are going through so much hurt and pain on a daily basis. Never forget that our GOD and our Lord and Savior JESUS CHRIST, The Lily of the valley are always there for you!

Still thankful

It is really amazing how faithful and how true to his word GOD is. Sometimes when you read the word, or a prophetic word is spoken over your life and don’t see the manifestation in real life, you kind of wonder whether you heard or read right, and whether you understood what was said.

Over the years, one of GOD’s words that I have read and have been spoken over my daughter’s and my life was this verse from Genesis 50:20

This is another testimony of GOD's grace and mercies in our lives over the years, and it has been happening over and over again. We have literally had the enemy come at us from all angles. They no longer hide or pretend. But guess what? In as much as they have been attacking, GOD has been fighting for us. He has been so hard at work on our behalf and I am so thankful that we belong to a father who loves us ever so much!

One of the scenarios that have finally played out is this. Sometime in early July, we noticed that a couple of days after we finally got rid of the squatter enemy that was in our home, we had rodents. Up to six months since our return, they were not there and all of a sudden they were there. We live on the first floor of a detached house and there was no way they could fly up there. In order for our Housing association to take action, we needed the co-operation of the downstairs neighbor, who refused.

So I called the local authority and they confirmed the problem and source. I took that information to the housing association. They then sent a company to block the entry points in the kitchen, but the worker sent did not do anything. The enemy was trying to get us to leave our GOD given home, but GOD stepped in. After waiting for weeks and nothing was done, I raised a formal complaint through their online system. At this point I was so infuriated, and never saw GOD’s hand in this, but there was this urgency one morning to make the complaint.

Well, to cut a very long story short, even though they usually take at least two weeks to respond, they got back to me within twenty four hours. At the same time, a surveyor was sent to assess the kitchen and what needs to be done. She promised to do something about it, fix the cupboards, change the kitchen, whatever it takes.

In less than two weeks, one week before Christmas, got a call from a company that they have been given the contract to give us a brand new kitchen! Two weeks ago, we now have a brand new kitchen from floor to ceiling, the contractors even gave us the first gift of a brand new black wall clock, as our kitchen is white and our theme is black and white!You see, our old kitchen was over twenty years old, holes in the cupboards and unit shelves and doors falling off, and at GOD's perfect timing, he restored the old for new! GOD is so good! He said I will make all things new and he did just that!

I am purposed to be Thankful every day of my life, because I know that no matter what comes at me, GOD has got my back and that’s all that matters.

Made new!!

I love GOD, I love my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, i love life. Watching the plants, birds and nature makes me smile. I look forward to the seasons changing, the fall colors, and the frosty winter mornings.i love my two children that GOD has Blessed me with. I love fine chocolate, my favorite being Godiva and Lindt. I love traveling and good food.

You would think that with all the loves of my life, I should be fulfilled and secure? Wrong, I get hurt very easily. I always seem to set myself up for a fall no matter what I do or where I go. Subconsciously, I have allowed others to use me and I find myself trying too hard to be accepted.  Every friendship/relationships that I have had over the years have ended in agony, sadness or disappointment. I am afraid to get to know people or even get close to anyone, because I fear that sooner or later it ends with me trying to pick up the pieces.

I am helpful and compassionate and will give the shirt of my back to anyone who needs it and I am well aware of the needs and issues of those around me, yet it seems I am stuck in the same revolving door. So I asked my daughter whether something is wrong with me that I am not aware of. She said I am fine and not to worry. Someone once told me that I am too in your face with people, that I cling to people too much and that I look too needy and that’s why people walk way from me.

So I took my questioning to the only one who can answer me truthfully. I was amazed at the stuff The Holy Spirit allowed me to access. It took me back to my childhood years, around the age of between 4-5 years, when I was living with my dad and his family (step mom, grandma, cousins, aunts and uncle). See, my mom was out of town working and studying. My mornings would usually start at about 5 am with doing chores and start prepping breakfast, get hot water ready for the household to have their baths etc. Imagine all that, 5 years old, doing all of that while all the others that were older than me slept. Well I was told time and time again that I was never wanted in the first place.

If I did not comply, I would get a few slaps and kicks, locked in the cellar and the endless nagging and calling me all kinds of names (my dad left my mom when I was 6 months old), so just imagine the names I was called. Once, my step mom threw a hot electric iron at me and I suffered third degree burns, the scars I still bear today, plus a few others. Because of all this, I went into self preservation mode. I worked like a horse, even before I was asked, in order to avoid the abuse and beatings. I now know that a lot of mean and insecure people take it out on others, in order to make themselves feel good about themselves.

I discovered then that if I give people stuff and what they want, or do stuff for them, they would like me and not hurt me, not realizing that it was superficial and temporary. That was the mindset that I carried till this very day. Over the years, I was taken for granted by even people who were close to me and I allowed it, too desperate to fit in, too scared to speak up or tell them how much their actions/attitudes hurt me, as I thought I would lose them if I did.

This well of frustration and pain has been churning and eating at me over the years and constantly tells me and reminds me of my past failures. Then on 2014’s New Year’s Eve, my Pastor brought a word saying that GOD wants me to let go of the past, forget about the hurt and pains and to live in the present with him, in order for me to be to be Blessed. How do you let go completely and forget a lifetime of physical and emotional hurt, pain and rejection? It is not so simple, but is doable. After trying my way for so long, i am now ready to let GOD do the healing his way, and I am also asking him to show me what I have to do, as I am so clueless.

Years ago, Bishop Elect Ronald King Sr spoke a prophetic word to me, telling me to live and not just exist. Little did he know that he was so right. I have just been going through the motion of existing every day. I now realize that changing starts with me. I can’t change others, but I can change me. I will, even if it is going to be one step at a time. I will learn to stand up for myself, not allow others to manipulate me anymore or put me down any more.

2015 is going to be the year that I will start to really live again, love again, learn to trust again, find pleasure in life again. So many people blame themselves for what happened to them over years, as I did. I now fully understand that myself and countless of others are not to blame for what we suffered through the years.

When GOD said “vengeance is mine, I will repay”, he meant it. The battle is not mine or ours, but GOD’s and he will take care of everything if we will just let him.

Yesterday the word that my Pastor brought was for me. Every conversation that I have had with GOD and every question that I have asked over the past week were answered in the word yesterday. He also said that it was time to pick up the pieces and continue.  That I am going to do. Ephesians 4:23 says “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind”. I am also happy that in renewing my mindset, I joined this Facebook blogging group, that share the same Christian values with me, it is a start, and I have been truly encouraged and blessed by some of the posts I have read over the past couple of days. I listen to uplifting and positive Christian music, my favorite station is KLove, which I listen to online, try to read The Word and pick empowering verses daily.

Every day I see the news about what goes on around the world and I am so Thankful that I belong to GOD and that he loves me and would never leave me nor forsake, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. To so many out there, who are going through so many tests and trials, so long as you have GOD, you have hope. Be encouraged and be Blessed!!

Thankful!!

 Happy New Year!! I just cannot believe that 2015 is here. This time last year, things were so different for my daughter and me. We were living in a different place and atmosphere, not knowing whether we were coming or going. It took great faith to get us where we are today. We had to fully trust and believe GOD for everything.

Initially this piece was going to be about going through the fire and the storm, but I will leave that for a later date. For now, I am thankful and I want to thank GOD for being with us during the fire and the storm.

Ten months on, since we returned to London, England, we still have not been able to find a home church. When you have been a member of a faith based church, one that is ideal and feed your every need, where the pastors are GOD’s anointed prophets, your standards and expectations are set for life. The Living Hope Christian Center was all that to us and our pastors Ronald King Sr and Angela King were the best! The word was awesome, prayers and teachings were on point. I really miss my church family, so as I could not be with them in person on New Year’s Eve, I joined them on live stream at 3am London time, as we are five hours ahead. I just could not miss it.

I joined them with pastor Ronald singing this song “fill me up, till I overflow. I wanna run over” immediately I started worshipping and the presence of GOD was so powerful in our living room. There was no distance in worship! Then Pastor Vorlea Chaney brought the word from Colossian 2:15 and Isaiah 54:1-17. 

As she was speaking, the spirit of GOD was so overwhelming and it took me through the last ten months, the battle that we went through and the victory he won for us!

Pastor Ronald spoke from Isaiah 43:18&19 and his words just answered and confirmed my prayers and questions that I have been asking over the past few days, and GOD’s response to the questions. He reminded me that it is really time to let go of the past and live in the present, in order for GOD to Bless us.

It is a mandate from GOD and I am choosing to obey him! I know it can be difficult, but I would rather be blessed in the present, than continue living in the past. There is so much unforgiveness in our world today; it can be seen all round us. So much bitterness and hate because of so many petty and trivial issues. I pray that all of us will just take all our concerns to GOD, let go and let GOD take control. I guarantee that we will live happier and peaceful lives.

Every day is a new year for GOD. He gives us the opportunity to start and do over everyday. I am purposed to do something good everyday from now on, a smile, a helping hand, whatever it takes. It might not be massive, might not even get noticed by anyone but GOD, but I am doing it!! By the way, I have also resolved to not complain, talk about or moan about insensitive or noisy neighbors from now on! It is just not worth it! 

I was also reminded by my Pastor about A’Driane’s word of the year theme, choosing a word to focus on during the year. My word for this year is Thankful!! I choose to be Thankful every second of my life, realizing that it is a gift and privilege from GOD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING JESUS!!!!

Every year we wait in joyful anticipation for the Christmas season and for Christmas day. That is the one day that the entire world recognizes and celebrates one way or the other, everyone in their one unique and special way. We celebrate the birth of our Lord and saviour, the mighty King, our Lord JESUS CHRIST. His birth is celebrated by all, and I don’t care about those living in denial about his birth and him being the son of GOD, I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is!!! If you put up a Christmas tree, decorate your home with tinsel, garlands and stuff, buy and receive gifts, say merry x-mas or whatever you chose to say, sing Rudolph the red nose reindeer or any other alternative Christmas songs, you are acknowledging the birth of JESUS and I thank you ever so much.

The conception of Lord was announced by the angel Gabriel. For us humans, mothers usually find out about their pregnancy through tests by doctors and easily accessible test kits, so from the very start, we know his birth was special. When his birth was imminent his earthly parents had to travel far because of a census.

 Because there was no room at the inn, he was born in a manger in the stable, in the humblest of places among the livestock. Angels announced his birth to the nearby shepherds! There was a celebration in heaven! All of this recounted in the Bible, but I love the one told in the Gospel of Luke 1 and 2 the best.

He was given gifts by wise men that came to worship him from the east. They knew and recognized his birth and the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh had special significance. Gold symbolizes his divinity that he was GOD in flesh, Frankincense symbolizes his holiness and righteousness and his willingness to sacrifice himself for us and Myrrh which is a spice used for embalming, symbolizes his suffering, affliction and death.

Wow, I wonder what Mary was feeling at that time. Did she fully grasp his significance and the impact he was going to make on the world? Or did she just celebrate the birth of her healthy baby boy and trust that GOD has it all in control and so make the most of the moment. We all know how the story of our Lord developed and ended, but today we are celebrating!!

We are thankful that JESUS was born and that is why it is called Christmas. His birth brought hope to us. His birth showed us the love GOD has for us! It is the reason for the season. It is why we look forward to this day.

Happy, Happy Birthday King JESUS!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! And i leave you with this song "when a child is born"

No room at the inn

Bright lights, bright garlands and wreaths. Brightly illuminated and beautiful Christmas trees. Packed shops, mall Santa’s, bustling shops and shoppers. Letters to Santa, TV, internet ads, leaflets and brochures through letterboxes. Yes, Christmas is here. Actually, these signs started as early as the end of summer vacation, if not earlier. Everything depicts the sumptuous time that everyone be having or is it really everyone celebrating and having a great time? Even if you are blind, you could not miss these signs. But for the needy, those without family or friends this is a nightmare season. What do you tell a child that have written to Santa, expecting all these great stuff and all the parent can give is either some candy and a sandwich for the day, and these are the luckier ones.

I watched a movie the other day, in which a reporter was asked to write an article about Christmas from the perspective/experience of the needy/homeless person and she did not know where to start.

From my perspective, for the needy and homeless, this season is all about levels of hopes and dreams. For some, after hoping and dreaming for so long, they give up, have low or zero expectations and often resort to less conventional means. If you live in the western hemisphere, this time of the year is usually very cold and if you are living on or below the poverty level, added to the hunger and inability to pay bills, you are freezing if even you have a home, and all the excitement of the holidays just reminds you of your situation.

This time of the year is usually hard for a lot of people, including people working on minimum wages and the unemployed. And with the extreme commercialization of Christmas, a lot of people are pressured into gift buying, leading to debts, having to buy gifts for loved ones and family members, and there is really no room to think about anyone else.

The reporter in the movie wanted to know how the needy and homeless celebrate Christmas when they have no money. Well, from my real life experience, it’s not that easy, but not that bad either, it all depends on your priorities. For many years, we had what we thought were wonderful Christmases, everything was planned with precision, gifts, drinks, groceries were bought in abundance. We gave to charities, cards to neighbors and gifts to the necessary people, and then the tests and hard times arrived. For a few years, with just one income, we were just able to get just what was necessary for the holidays.

We bought practical and necessary gifts, such as a pair of sneakers to replace the busted ones, hats and gloves to be warm. Then we hit an all time low last year. I had lost my job in July, and with no form of income, but for the kindness of some saints, we would have starved. We started making plans for an alternative Christmas. We were facing eviction as we could not pay our rent, thank GOD for the angel that he sent to help with the rent.

We were able to make minimum payments on the electricity bill and thank GOD that our apartment supplied free heating and hot water, but with our inability to pay our phone/TV/internet bills, we were disconnected. At least we had a radio and my daughter’s cell phone, so we did not lose communication completely and we had bought an artificial tree a couple of years ago, so we decorated that. It was such a joy to turn the lights on daily and watched our tree.

During this time, we never ceased praying, we did not lose hope, we trusted and believed GOD and held on to his word as the word of GOD in Luke 12:24 says “consider the ravens, they neither sow nor reap....” if he feeds them, he will do the same for us. We believed that GOD will provide what we need!!

We watched the neighbors coming home with their boxes of gifts, tons of groceries and Christmas goodies. We listened to people around us talking about their plans for Christmas with their families and friends, then go home, prayed and meditate some more. We actually found joy from the simplest things such as the decorated houses and shops. We listened to K-LOVE radio station and we were ministered to by the songs, and testimonies that we heard from other listeners, artists and staff. We went to church and fellowshipped with other believers.

On the 23^rd of December at the penultimate minute, we were blessed by a couple of women of GOD with a $100.00. Twenty went towards my daughter’s cell phone, ten towards transportation and the rest towards food. We had a ride and did grocery shopping early Christmas Eve, came home and we both went down with the Flu (how ironic), although my daughter was worse than me. I managed to make chicken soup and we were able to eat that with some potatoes and rice.

For the first time ever, we were unable to buy a gift for each other, not even a candy cane, and there was no gift under the tree! But GOD reminded us that that our gift cannot be packaged. He gave us his one and only son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, what more can we ask for! This was so true. We had a roof over heads, we had each other, and we had the Joy and Peace of The Lord. We were Blessed and that’s all that mattered! That's how us as needy/poor people spent our Christmas, as we had hope and we realized that Christmas was all about our Lord Jesus's Birth. He was born for our salvation. now that's worth celebrating!

At this time of the year I give thanks to GOD for all the Saints, Angels and Samaritans out there who are trying their very best to make a difference in the lives of the needy out their, providing hot meals, toys for the kids, festive shoe boxes, accommodations for the homeless to get them to somewhere warm and all the countless things you all do to make life better for others. 

You do make a difference; your efforts are appreciated and have not gone unnoticed. Families out there that would otherwise have not got anything are being Blessed by your efforts and your kindness. GOD Bless you all!!

So let us all be thankful and celebrate the Birth of our Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST regardless of our individual circumstances!

Fresh start and new beginning is hard but possible!!

Starting all over is not as cut and dried as it sounds. Got all excited anticipating new beginnings. Everything is going to be perfect. A fresh start was all I needed and it’s going to be fine. The struggles of the last few years will disappear and everything will come up roses!

Well they haven’t. I did not see the battles which were waiting for me around the corner. The doors that GOD had shut and were not meant to be re-opened, keep popping up every where I turned. I forgot that I was a very private person and that the few people that were in my life were a hindrance and GOD had sent them packing. I forgot that for years, health issues were neglected, because first of all, I needed to work through ill health as the money was needed and we had no other resources available.

I returned to a home occupied with an evil squatter who refused to move, and I had to get the law involved, had to deal with issues in the home that were neglected in my absence, damp, mold, state taxes, rent arrears, and lest I forget, noise and loud music from neighbors, thought that was left in the past, you name it they were all there. Add on dealing with high blood pressure, severe back and joint pains, doctors and hospital appointments, waiting for appointments for physiotherapy and other issues.

How on earth did Abraham and the children of Israel deal with all they dealt with all those years when they were traveling for all those years, going through unfamiliar territories?

I keep thinking of all that needs to be done and my stress and anxiety levels are going through the roof. I struggled for years, living my life for others and totally neglected myself. I have to learn to start living for me.

I pray for strength and patience, as I really need it. GOD knows I need it!! I’m waiting on GOD’s promises, and I know Faith without works is dead, but I also know, that after you've done all you can, stand. So I stand because I know I have done all I could possibly do. I know that dawn is fast approaching and the sun will come through the dark clouds bringing my breakthrough!

Through all this though, I can see the silver lining in the clouds. I see my daughter re-emerging, pressing and pushing past and through the obstacles and mountains that are in her way. She is trying so hard!! Achieving what was impossible only a few months ago. So proud of her and I love and appreciate her so much.

Old issues, does not just disappear. New beginnings help you deal more effectively and efficiently with issues, because you have learnt from the past. I have learnt to trust GOD because he is GOD and not man and he means what he says. I trust JESUS CHRIST, because he loves me so much that he gave his life for me. What I am facing is nothing compares to what he faced. So I am just going to hold on to his hand and let him show me the way, because only he can help me find it!! So it's so fitting that i end this piece with this song by Sidewalk Prophets- Help me find it. This is my daily prayer.