Made new!!

I love GOD, I love my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, i love life. Watching the plants, birds and nature makes me smile. I look forward to the seasons changing, the fall colors, and the frosty winter mornings.i love my two children that GOD has Blessed me with. I love fine chocolate, my favorite being Godiva and Lindt. I love traveling and good food.

You would think that with all the loves of my life, I should be fulfilled and secure? Wrong, I get hurt very easily. I always seem to set myself up for a fall no matter what I do or where I go. Subconsciously, I have allowed others to use me and I find myself trying too hard to be accepted.  Every friendship/relationships that I have had over the years have ended in agony, sadness or disappointment. I am afraid to get to know people or even get close to anyone, because I fear that sooner or later it ends with me trying to pick up the pieces.

I am helpful and compassionate and will give the shirt of my back to anyone who needs it and I am well aware of the needs and issues of those around me, yet it seems I am stuck in the same revolving door. So I asked my daughter whether something is wrong with me that I am not aware of. She said I am fine and not to worry. Someone once told me that I am too in your face with people, that I cling to people too much and that I look too needy and that’s why people walk way from me.

So I took my questioning to the only one who can answer me truthfully. I was amazed at the stuff The Holy Spirit allowed me to access. It took me back to my childhood years, around the age of between 4-5 years, when I was living with my dad and his family (step mom, grandma, cousins, aunts and uncle). See, my mom was out of town working and studying. My mornings would usually start at about 5 am with doing chores and start prepping breakfast, get hot water ready for the household to have their baths etc. Imagine all that, 5 years old, doing all of that while all the others that were older than me slept. Well I was told time and time again that I was never wanted in the first place.

If I did not comply, I would get a few slaps and kicks, locked in the cellar and the endless nagging and calling me all kinds of names (my dad left my mom when I was 6 months old), so just imagine the names I was called. Once, my step mom threw a hot electric iron at me and I suffered third degree burns, the scars I still bear today, plus a few others. Because of all this, I went into self preservation mode. I worked like a horse, even before I was asked, in order to avoid the abuse and beatings. I now know that a lot of mean and insecure people take it out on others, in order to make themselves feel good about themselves.

I discovered then that if I give people stuff and what they want, or do stuff for them, they would like me and not hurt me, not realizing that it was superficial and temporary. That was the mindset that I carried till this very day. Over the years, I was taken for granted by even people who were close to me and I allowed it, too desperate to fit in, too scared to speak up or tell them how much their actions/attitudes hurt me, as I thought I would lose them if I did.

This well of frustration and pain has been churning and eating at me over the years and constantly tells me and reminds me of my past failures. Then on 2014’s New Year’s Eve, my Pastor brought a word saying that GOD wants me to let go of the past, forget about the hurt and pains and to live in the present with him, in order for me to be to be Blessed. How do you let go completely and forget a lifetime of physical and emotional hurt, pain and rejection? It is not so simple, but is doable. After trying my way for so long, i am now ready to let GOD do the healing his way, and I am also asking him to show me what I have to do, as I am so clueless.

Years ago, Bishop Elect Ronald King Sr spoke a prophetic word to me, telling me to live and not just exist. Little did he know that he was so right. I have just been going through the motion of existing every day. I now realize that changing starts with me. I can’t change others, but I can change me. I will, even if it is going to be one step at a time. I will learn to stand up for myself, not allow others to manipulate me anymore or put me down any more.

2015 is going to be the year that I will start to really live again, love again, learn to trust again, find pleasure in life again. So many people blame themselves for what happened to them over years, as I did. I now fully understand that myself and countless of others are not to blame for what we suffered through the years.

When GOD said “vengeance is mine, I will repay”, he meant it. The battle is not mine or ours, but GOD’s and he will take care of everything if we will just let him.

Yesterday the word that my Pastor brought was for me. Every conversation that I have had with GOD and every question that I have asked over the past week were answered in the word yesterday. He also said that it was time to pick up the pieces and continue.  That I am going to do. Ephesians 4:23 says “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind”. I am also happy that in renewing my mindset, I joined this Facebook blogging group, that share the same Christian values with me, it is a start, and I have been truly encouraged and blessed by some of the posts I have read over the past couple of days. I listen to uplifting and positive Christian music, my favorite station is KLove, which I listen to online, try to read The Word and pick empowering verses daily.

Every day I see the news about what goes on around the world and I am so Thankful that I belong to GOD and that he loves me and would never leave me nor forsake, and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. To so many out there, who are going through so many tests and trials, so long as you have GOD, you have hope. Be encouraged and be Blessed!!

Thankful!!

 Happy New Year!! I just cannot believe that 2015 is here. This time last year, things were so different for my daughter and me. We were living in a different place and atmosphere, not knowing whether we were coming or going. It took great faith to get us where we are today. We had to fully trust and believe GOD for everything.

Initially this piece was going to be about going through the fire and the storm, but I will leave that for a later date. For now, I am thankful and I want to thank GOD for being with us during the fire and the storm.

Ten months on, since we returned to London, England, we still have not been able to find a home church. When you have been a member of a faith based church, one that is ideal and feed your every need, where the pastors are GOD’s anointed prophets, your standards and expectations are set for life. The Living Hope Christian Center was all that to us and our pastors Ronald King Sr and Angela King were the best! The word was awesome, prayers and teachings were on point. I really miss my church family, so as I could not be with them in person on New Year’s Eve, I joined them on live stream at 3am London time, as we are five hours ahead. I just could not miss it.

I joined them with pastor Ronald singing this song “fill me up, till I overflow. I wanna run over” immediately I started worshipping and the presence of GOD was so powerful in our living room. There was no distance in worship! Then Pastor Vorlea Chaney brought the word from Colossian 2:15 and Isaiah 54:1-17. 

As she was speaking, the spirit of GOD was so overwhelming and it took me through the last ten months, the battle that we went through and the victory he won for us!

Pastor Ronald spoke from Isaiah 43:18&19 and his words just answered and confirmed my prayers and questions that I have been asking over the past few days, and GOD’s response to the questions. He reminded me that it is really time to let go of the past and live in the present, in order for GOD to Bless us.

It is a mandate from GOD and I am choosing to obey him! I know it can be difficult, but I would rather be blessed in the present, than continue living in the past. There is so much unforgiveness in our world today; it can be seen all round us. So much bitterness and hate because of so many petty and trivial issues. I pray that all of us will just take all our concerns to GOD, let go and let GOD take control. I guarantee that we will live happier and peaceful lives.

Every day is a new year for GOD. He gives us the opportunity to start and do over everyday. I am purposed to do something good everyday from now on, a smile, a helping hand, whatever it takes. It might not be massive, might not even get noticed by anyone but GOD, but I am doing it!! By the way, I have also resolved to not complain, talk about or moan about insensitive or noisy neighbors from now on! It is just not worth it! 

I was also reminded by my Pastor about A’Driane’s word of the year theme, choosing a word to focus on during the year. My word for this year is Thankful!! I choose to be Thankful every second of my life, realizing that it is a gift and privilege from GOD!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KING JESUS!!!!

Every year we wait in joyful anticipation for the Christmas season and for Christmas day. That is the one day that the entire world recognizes and celebrates one way or the other, everyone in their one unique and special way. We celebrate the birth of our Lord and saviour, the mighty King, our Lord JESUS CHRIST. His birth is celebrated by all, and I don’t care about those living in denial about his birth and him being the son of GOD, I know without a shadow of a doubt that he is!!! If you put up a Christmas tree, decorate your home with tinsel, garlands and stuff, buy and receive gifts, say merry x-mas or whatever you chose to say, sing Rudolph the red nose reindeer or any other alternative Christmas songs, you are acknowledging the birth of JESUS and I thank you ever so much.

The conception of Lord was announced by the angel Gabriel. For us humans, mothers usually find out about their pregnancy through tests by doctors and easily accessible test kits, so from the very start, we know his birth was special. When his birth was imminent his earthly parents had to travel far because of a census.

 Because there was no room at the inn, he was born in a manger in the stable, in the humblest of places among the livestock. Angels announced his birth to the nearby shepherds! There was a celebration in heaven! All of this recounted in the Bible, but I love the one told in the Gospel of Luke 1 and 2 the best.

He was given gifts by wise men that came to worship him from the east. They knew and recognized his birth and the gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh had special significance. Gold symbolizes his divinity that he was GOD in flesh, Frankincense symbolizes his holiness and righteousness and his willingness to sacrifice himself for us and Myrrh which is a spice used for embalming, symbolizes his suffering, affliction and death.

Wow, I wonder what Mary was feeling at that time. Did she fully grasp his significance and the impact he was going to make on the world? Or did she just celebrate the birth of her healthy baby boy and trust that GOD has it all in control and so make the most of the moment. We all know how the story of our Lord developed and ended, but today we are celebrating!!

We are thankful that JESUS was born and that is why it is called Christmas. His birth brought hope to us. His birth showed us the love GOD has for us! It is the reason for the season. It is why we look forward to this day.

Happy, Happy Birthday King JESUS!!

Merry Christmas everyone!! And i leave you with this song "when a child is born"

No room at the inn

Bright lights, bright garlands and wreaths. Brightly illuminated and beautiful Christmas trees. Packed shops, mall Santa’s, bustling shops and shoppers. Letters to Santa, TV, internet ads, leaflets and brochures through letterboxes. Yes, Christmas is here. Actually, these signs started as early as the end of summer vacation, if not earlier. Everything depicts the sumptuous time that everyone be having or is it really everyone celebrating and having a great time? Even if you are blind, you could not miss these signs. But for the needy, those without family or friends this is a nightmare season. What do you tell a child that have written to Santa, expecting all these great stuff and all the parent can give is either some candy and a sandwich for the day, and these are the luckier ones.

I watched a movie the other day, in which a reporter was asked to write an article about Christmas from the perspective/experience of the needy/homeless person and she did not know where to start.

From my perspective, for the needy and homeless, this season is all about levels of hopes and dreams. For some, after hoping and dreaming for so long, they give up, have low or zero expectations and often resort to less conventional means. If you live in the western hemisphere, this time of the year is usually very cold and if you are living on or below the poverty level, added to the hunger and inability to pay bills, you are freezing if even you have a home, and all the excitement of the holidays just reminds you of your situation.

This time of the year is usually hard for a lot of people, including people working on minimum wages and the unemployed. And with the extreme commercialization of Christmas, a lot of people are pressured into gift buying, leading to debts, having to buy gifts for loved ones and family members, and there is really no room to think about anyone else.

The reporter in the movie wanted to know how the needy and homeless celebrate Christmas when they have no money. Well, from my real life experience, it’s not that easy, but not that bad either, it all depends on your priorities. For many years, we had what we thought were wonderful Christmases, everything was planned with precision, gifts, drinks, groceries were bought in abundance. We gave to charities, cards to neighbors and gifts to the necessary people, and then the tests and hard times arrived. For a few years, with just one income, we were just able to get just what was necessary for the holidays.

We bought practical and necessary gifts, such as a pair of sneakers to replace the busted ones, hats and gloves to be warm. Then we hit an all time low last year. I had lost my job in July, and with no form of income, but for the kindness of some saints, we would have starved. We started making plans for an alternative Christmas. We were facing eviction as we could not pay our rent, thank GOD for the angel that he sent to help with the rent.

We were able to make minimum payments on the electricity bill and thank GOD that our apartment supplied free heating and hot water, but with our inability to pay our phone/TV/internet bills, we were disconnected. At least we had a radio and my daughter’s cell phone, so we did not lose communication completely and we had bought an artificial tree a couple of years ago, so we decorated that. It was such a joy to turn the lights on daily and watched our tree.

During this time, we never ceased praying, we did not lose hope, we trusted and believed GOD and held on to his word as the word of GOD in Luke 12:24 says “consider the ravens, they neither sow nor reap....” if he feeds them, he will do the same for us. We believed that GOD will provide what we need!!

We watched the neighbors coming home with their boxes of gifts, tons of groceries and Christmas goodies. We listened to people around us talking about their plans for Christmas with their families and friends, then go home, prayed and meditate some more. We actually found joy from the simplest things such as the decorated houses and shops. We listened to K-LOVE radio station and we were ministered to by the songs, and testimonies that we heard from other listeners, artists and staff. We went to church and fellowshipped with other believers.

On the 23^rd of December at the penultimate minute, we were blessed by a couple of women of GOD with a $100.00. Twenty went towards my daughter’s cell phone, ten towards transportation and the rest towards food. We had a ride and did grocery shopping early Christmas Eve, came home and we both went down with the Flu (how ironic), although my daughter was worse than me. I managed to make chicken soup and we were able to eat that with some potatoes and rice.

For the first time ever, we were unable to buy a gift for each other, not even a candy cane, and there was no gift under the tree! But GOD reminded us that that our gift cannot be packaged. He gave us his one and only son, our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, what more can we ask for! This was so true. We had a roof over heads, we had each other, and we had the Joy and Peace of The Lord. We were Blessed and that’s all that mattered! That's how us as needy/poor people spent our Christmas, as we had hope and we realized that Christmas was all about our Lord Jesus's Birth. He was born for our salvation. now that's worth celebrating!

At this time of the year I give thanks to GOD for all the Saints, Angels and Samaritans out there who are trying their very best to make a difference in the lives of the needy out their, providing hot meals, toys for the kids, festive shoe boxes, accommodations for the homeless to get them to somewhere warm and all the countless things you all do to make life better for others. 

You do make a difference; your efforts are appreciated and have not gone unnoticed. Families out there that would otherwise have not got anything are being Blessed by your efforts and your kindness. GOD Bless you all!!

So let us all be thankful and celebrate the Birth of our Lord and Saviour JESUS CHRIST regardless of our individual circumstances!

Fresh start and new beginning is hard but possible!!

Starting all over is not as cut and dried as it sounds. Got all excited anticipating new beginnings. Everything is going to be perfect. A fresh start was all I needed and it’s going to be fine. The struggles of the last few years will disappear and everything will come up roses!

Well they haven’t. I did not see the battles which were waiting for me around the corner. The doors that GOD had shut and were not meant to be re-opened, keep popping up every where I turned. I forgot that I was a very private person and that the few people that were in my life were a hindrance and GOD had sent them packing. I forgot that for years, health issues were neglected, because first of all, I needed to work through ill health as the money was needed and we had no other resources available.

I returned to a home occupied with an evil squatter who refused to move, and I had to get the law involved, had to deal with issues in the home that were neglected in my absence, damp, mold, state taxes, rent arrears, and lest I forget, noise and loud music from neighbors, thought that was left in the past, you name it they were all there. Add on dealing with high blood pressure, severe back and joint pains, doctors and hospital appointments, waiting for appointments for physiotherapy and other issues.

How on earth did Abraham and the children of Israel deal with all they dealt with all those years when they were traveling for all those years, going through unfamiliar territories?

I keep thinking of all that needs to be done and my stress and anxiety levels are going through the roof. I struggled for years, living my life for others and totally neglected myself. I have to learn to start living for me.

I pray for strength and patience, as I really need it. GOD knows I need it!! I’m waiting on GOD’s promises, and I know Faith without works is dead, but I also know, that after you've done all you can, stand. So I stand because I know I have done all I could possibly do. I know that dawn is fast approaching and the sun will come through the dark clouds bringing my breakthrough!

Through all this though, I can see the silver lining in the clouds. I see my daughter re-emerging, pressing and pushing past and through the obstacles and mountains that are in her way. She is trying so hard!! Achieving what was impossible only a few months ago. So proud of her and I love and appreciate her so much.

Old issues, does not just disappear. New beginnings help you deal more effectively and efficiently with issues, because you have learnt from the past. I have learnt to trust GOD because he is GOD and not man and he means what he says. I trust JESUS CHRIST, because he loves me so much that he gave his life for me. What I am facing is nothing compares to what he faced. So I am just going to hold on to his hand and let him show me the way, because only he can help me find it!! So it's so fitting that i end this piece with this song by Sidewalk Prophets- Help me find it. This is my daily prayer.

The spirit of hospitality is still alive!!

I had to start with this song Hold us together by Matt Maher. It speaks volumes

I had to learn this lesson of hospitality the hard way. I was such a naïve, people trusting, man depending, brand new born again Christian. I believed in the honesty and good nature of my fellow man, and it was this trust that was used by the enemy during the early part of my renewed walk and relationship with GOD over the last seven years. I trusted my checking account to be handled by a person I considered a friend and who I thought had my best interest at heart, even though my daughter warned me about her persona several times. According to my daughter, something about her was just not right. To cut a long story short, thousands of dollars was stolen and my account was wiped clean.

We now found ourselves in a dilemma, no one to turn to, no job, family or friends. I had made these plans, allocated funds to cover us for a couple of years, now all of these plans just fell apart. GOD is awesome though; he turned around and used what the enemy meant to use to destroy us to glorify him. I had to learn to be humble and ask people for help. To be honest I don’t know why at this point I did not return to London, which would have been the most sensible thing to do. I believe GOD held us back for his purpose, plus at that time my daughter was in high school and I did not want to disrupt her education.

It was at this point that I discovered the true meaning of hospitality and people’s take on it, and how some people will take advantage of you when you are at a low point and you are vulnerable. I worked for a family member, renovating  and helping her set up her new store for about two months and she did not pay me a dime, instead she told me that the store did not make enough money. I also worked at night cleaning offices, but at the end of each week, after working between 25-35 hours weekly, there was barely enough to make it to the other week.

Some of the people I asked for help told me point blank, that they cannot help us, because we were undocumented in the country and that if they helped us, they will be sinning. ????(At this point in time, we had a couple of lawyers who were trying to help us sort out our documents). It was at this point that I started to research the Bible about migration and hospitality.

Throughout the bible, there is a whole lot of information about migration and hospitality and helping the poor and needy. As far back as I can go, starting from the days of Abraham, GOD asked Abraham to move to a place where he will bless him and future generations. Throughout Abraham’s journey, GOD always made provision for him, either through people he met on the way, or people GOD send to purposefully bless him.

When the children of Israel were in the desert for 40 years, GOD provided Manna from heaven for them so that they could eat, because at that time, they were not able to fend for themselves.

When Ruth returned with her mother-in-law Naomi, Boaz allowed her and other less fortunate people to collect grains after his harvesters. 

There are many examples of how GOD made provisions for the needy and migrants throughout the Bible

Leviticus 19:34 says

Hebrews 13:2 says

Proverbs 31:20

Even though things were tough, living of one income, GOD opened doors that we never knew existed. He revealed resources that were available to us. He allowed an awesome woman of GOD to give me a job which lasted for five years. These people would never know that their hospitality and good deeds made a vast difference to our lives. We will be forever grateful for that. That is why it really frustrates me when bureaucrats both in the United Kingdom and over in the USA pass these unbelievable laws about feeding the homeless and hungry. Last week in Fort Lauderdale, a 90 year old man and two priests were arrested and jailed because they went against the law and fed some homeless people.

Over here in the UK, the hungry, needy and homeless are restricted access to food banks and in some areas, some cannot use them for more than three times a year. A lot of churches are now petitioning the government for help.

This is a quote I read from Pastor John Hagee a couple of days ago
”It's easy to point out someone's flaws. It takes a servant of the Living God to look past their faults and see their need...then help them fulfill that need. You may not be able to help millions of people from your own backyard, but you should be willing to help the ONE that God puts right in front of you!”

Before passing judgments or condemning, talk to some of them and you will be amazed to hear their stories.

GOD allowed different people from our church to bless us with food, rent and other stuff after I lost my job. We were also blessed with other stuff, such as rides to and from church and where we needed to go and even clothing. We even got help from out of state from a young lady and her friends who heard of our dilemma. A lot of times, it is not a financial Blessing that is needed, but empathy, hugs, a kind word, even a smile helps!

The spirit of hospitality is still alive in a lot of people, Christian and non Christian alike, not everyone is critical or judgmental. There are a lot of people making a difference in the lives of people all around the world, ordinary people like you and me.

Before my world turned upside down, I would like to believe that I was a nice and compassionate person, who went to church regularly, donated to charities, helped others as best as I could, because it was the right thing to do. I never once really bothered to go one step further to see if I could help remedy the underlying causes. Now that has all changed. I help and will do so because I want to make a difference and impact the lives of people in GOD’s kingdom. I will not walk away if I could do something.

I have also had the privilege of meeting some wonderful people who are making an impact on the lives of others. To name a few, The Outreach ministry at the Living Hope Christian Center in Pennsauken NJ, Pastored by Pastor Ronald King Sr and Pastor Angela King, The Waymakers, Inc, which is a non profit organization based in New Jersey, headlined by two awesome women of GOD Pastor Carol Robinson and Samantha Pompey who spend all their available time raising funds to educate, feed and are even building wells in Ghana for the impoverished and disadvantaged, not forgetting Carol Pavlicin who works with youth/women and children at Urban Promise in Camden, New Jersey. These are a couple of examples demonstrating the spirit of hospitality and how every one in their own unique way can make a positive impact in the lives of others.

Why i write and share my story

I write because it is the ideal way to tell my story, share my experiences, tell about the growth of my faith, how it was developed, fed and strengthened.

I incorporate the bible verses that have helped me along the way. I also write about the prophetic words that GOD has allowed his prophets to speak over my life.

When this particular phase that I write about started about eight years ago, the support under my feet had literally been yanked from under it. My daughter and I were living a nightmare, at that time; she was only just past 16 years of age. Our world had crumbled and fell apart. We were living in an uncertain place, no one to turn to and the only people we knew had stabbed us not only in the back, but in our face also. Even the old church we used to go to turned into a nightmare. Our faith was being tried, tested and stretched.

It was at this point that GOD allowed us to turn to him instead of man. A lot of people would have walked away, lose their faith, but ours started to grow, because GOD had a plan for us. A couple of media that GOD used to build us was Christian and gospel music and the Bible, that’s why I share the music that GOD allowed me to listen to and they in turn started to heal and inspire me.

I write about the church I joined The Living hope Christian Center in Pennsauken NJ and our pastors Ronald king Sr and Angela King, because over the years they prayed for us without ceasing. They are highly anointed and transparent and one of the most realistic man and woman of GOD that I have ever met, and their encouraging words have helped me and they continue to feed my faith.

My writing is about my Faith and my GOD and my real life’s journey. I write about what I went through. It is not a story, it really happened and I know that somewhere right now, someone is going through what I went through and if by chance they stumble across my writing, I want them to know that GOD can and will pull them through as he did for us.

I write and am an advocate for the homeless, hurting, lonely people, going through stuff through no fault of theirs. Ones who think they have no one to turn to. I want them to know that they have GOD and JESUS to turn to and that they will never leave them or forsake them, and that though the world says one thing, it is GOD’s words and opinions that matters.

 God surely had a reason for what we went through. Only he knew why people had to be cut off from our lives and why he shut all those doors.

I learnt and am still learning to pray, asking GOD for divine intervention, interpretation and strength. Slowly the answers have started to come.

When I write, it’ not that I want people to feel sorry for me, it’s because I want people to be strengthened, to not look at the world or man, but to look up to GOD, to let go and let GOD. That’s why I write.

It’s not peaches and cream yet for us, far from it. But so long as my Faith is strong and I have GOD, there is hope.

I put my trust, faith and belief on GOD and him alone. GOD is all I have and he is all I need and I am not ashamed to declare it to the world. That’s why I write!!