Living and not existing during the journey!

Each day in our life’s journey can be a challenge. Every one of us has been dealt different cards and our journeys are not the same. No two people are the same. We are all unique. Our tests and trials are not the same, that’s because we are all unique and GOD has unique plans and purposes for each one of us in the kingdom.

Some of us probably feel or have felt at some point in time that we have been dealt the worst hand of cards ever! The ones that really sucks! A lot of times, I have felt like that. For a lot of time, it seemed as if I have a lightening bolt directly over my head waiting to strike, just like you see in cartoon images!

It is extremely hard to smile and be happy all the time when you face challenges. What most of us fail to see is the joy and experiences of our individual journeys. We don’t tend to see or ask GOD for the purpose of our specific journey. What are we meant to be seeing, learning. Is there someone we are meant to meet? Our GOD is amazing. He will take us on repeated tests, until we get it!

We need to train ourselves to live in the moment and not exist in order to be happy and not focus on the should have, could have, would have. We should not run ahead in high anxiety or anticipation, looking for the end of the experience or journey. We need to learn to live now as we are not guaranteed tomorrow James 4:14. we often find ourselves asking questions about how do we go ahead and live and enjoy our lives in the midst of all the trials, disappointments and heartaches.

What we need to understand is that joy and happiness lies in the heart. It is a choice to be happy and to make the most of our circumstances. No matter what is going on, we don’t need to give in to what the enemy is telling us! Pastor Ronald of LHCC usually tells us that we don’t need no one to make us happy or take us out. He says, that even getting yourself something from MacDonalds can make you happy! You don’t need a million bucks before you start enjoying life.

Years ago, one of my university professors told me that when one experiences stress or high anxiety moments, we should take our minds back to a moment in a time when we had a great time, such as a wonderful holiday, seeing the smile on your child’s face when they are happy. It’s these special moments of fun and reflections that should give us a minute taste of the life that Jesus Christ has in store for us.

There are a lot of people that have made significant impacts on my life’s journey; they have used their trials to make significant impacts on the lives of others but there have been two people who encouraged me to write. My daughter is one of them and I thank GOD for that every day. The other one is this  awesome young woman who I have seen push past obstacles to be heard and to highlight so many social issues.

I am learning to live again. It’s not an easy process, but it is doable. But most of all, I am letting GOD lead, when i feel overwhelmed, i turn to the healer and live, because i know he has me in his hands! My journey is for a purpose it will not be in vain! Now I leave you with this song by Mercy me. Stay Blessed and start living!!!

Remembering and holding on to GOD's Promises

I used to go to a Catholic church, so when I started going to Living Hope Christian Center in Pennsauken NJ, it was at a time when my whole world was falling apart. I was desperate to hear what I wanted to hear from GOD. It was at the early stages of me developing a true, deeper and meaningful relationship with GOD. Till this day, I am thanking GOD for the awesome anointing and ministry that he allowed his prophets Pastor Ronald King Sr and Pastor Angela King to start the ministry at LHCC. My healing started the day I walked in.

Everything the pastors said when bringing the word somehow either applied to my life, either what was currently going on, or what happened in the recent past. So when it was time for altar call for prayers, I was usually among the first five there, desperate for a personal word from GOD. After prayers and laying of hands and the healing and comforting hugs, being so new in my renewed faith and relationship with GOD, I assumed that the promises and words spoken over me by the pastors was going to be instantaneous!

Don’t get me wrong, sometimes the prayers are answered in a heartbeat, but trust me when I say that my needs were way beyond what man could do, and the words spoken can be prep for what’s to come. It all really depends on you the individual receiving the word and believing that GOD is going to do it.

Throughout the Bible, GOD made a lot of promises to his children and he kept them. Look at Noah and the great flood, Abraham and Sarah having a child at their age, the children of Israel freed from the Egyptians and getting to Canaan their promised land, giving victory to David against the odds. This is just naming a few. He has made these promises either directly to individuals or through his anointed prophets, psalmists, anointed singers and intercessors.

One thing is for sure, GOD’s word is always true. He said in Isaiah 55:10-11 “For as the rain cometh down and the snow from heaven and returns neither, but waters the earth, so shall my words be, that goeth out of my mouth. It shall not return void to me, but it shall accomplish that which I please”. Dancing right now!!

So children of GOD, after GOD has spoken and declared his words and promises to you, wait on him!!

When you feel weak after all the enemy attacks, don’t give up. Remember Philippians 4:13 “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”!

When you are attacked maliciously for no reason and you feel powerless and helpless, remember that GOD said in Romans 12: 19 “Vengeance is mine, I will repay saith GOD”. He’s got you, don’t worry!

When you are lonely and you feel you have no one to turn to and you feel unloved and that you don’t belong, remember those words that our Lord said in Deuteronomy 31:6-8 “I will neither leave you nor forsake you” and Mathew 28:20 “Lo I am with you always even unto the end of the world”!

When you are desperate and you feel your back is against the wall, don’t forget that GOD said in Jeremiah 33:3 “Call upon me and I will answer you”!

This is just a few of GOD’s promises. There are so many throughout the Bible, especially in the book of Psalms. Three of my best ones that I use daily to remind me that GOD is with me always are Psalms 23, 46 and 91.

So in the midst of the tears, tests and trials, I remind myself of these promises. I am now stronger and am able to handle things better. I see things from a different perspective. Yes, I get shaken and troubled sometimes and at times I wonder silently- when? But I refuse to dwell on the issues. I am still human, but I know GOD’s word is true!! I Believe GOD and I Trust GOD. He is the Great “I AM”! Glory!

Fear came knocking!!

There are a lot of things that scare me and that I am genuinely afraid of, but I do my best to avoid putting myself in certain environments and avoid putting myself intentionally in harms way.

Fear affects lots of people in various ways and at times when someone tells you what they are afraid of, even though you might find it ridiculous or downright humorous; it is nothing to laugh about. At times what frightens our loved ones can have the same impact on us and our lives, as we often feel helpless because we can’t protect them like we want to.

GOD created all creatures, and somehow we co-exist, but there are some that I don’t understand why they were made in the first place, as I regard them as pests and they can be harmful and scary. My daughter and I are petrified  of the small rodents (I cant even call their name), and our nightmare materialized a few weeks ago, when we discovered that due to the fact the lady who lived in our place was careless with food and food storage and a host of other stuff, a couple of them had made their way from the downstairs apartment through heating pipes and vents, and also through pipes behind the sink and were somehow beneath the floorboards between both apartments.

Since then I have called pest control, and our landlord has also called out their own pest control, and both companies have laid down baits, traps and poisons. Right now, they don’t seem to be working like they should, but I have been told that it takes a couple of weeks for it to work. I have also made arrangements with our landlord, and he has arranged for workmen to come in and remove the cupboards and seal all entry points, so that there will not be a re-occurrence of the issue. This will be done at the end of the month. In the mean time I am walking on eggshells, scared of even a shadow!!

I have to bang on the kitchen door every time I have to go in there and for every tie I see it, it leaves me shaky and edgy. I became anxious and paranoid, to the point that I can’t even do the stuff that I usually love doing. It got to the point that I even threw out our sofa and armchairs, fearing that one might be hiding in there. We now close the doors to every room and I even leave the hall lights on day and night!

It got to the point that I was so anxious, fearful and paranoid, feelings that I have not had in a long tie, that I had to ask Pastor Ronald to pray for me for strength, as I was now believing that this was beyond an ordinary occurrence. Enough is enough! Something has to be done.

I know that everyone feel afraid at some point, whether it is a slight gnawing anxious feeling or a phobia, and this feeling can be prompted by several different things.

The word of GOD offers powerful solutions to these voices we sometimes hear and these negative feelings. Throughout the Bible, GOD reminds us not to live in fear. In 2^nd Timothy 1:7 

“ For GOD has not given us a spirit of fear, but one of power, love and a sound mind”. Sometimes the spirit of fear overcomes us and to overcome it, we have to trust GOD completely. The word of GOD says in Isaiah 54:17 “no weapon formed against you shall prosper”. I trust GOD and I believe that GOD is protecting me and my daughter at all times and that’s why I did not understand this unnatural fear. In Psalm 23:4 “yea though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff  they comfort me”!  In Isaiah 41:10

GOD reminds us throughout the bible that his perfect love drives out fear. A lot of people tell others not to be afraid, easier said than done. What I can say is that when fear comes knocking, remind yourself of the word of GOD! Remind yourself that our Lord Jesus Christ has already fought all your battles and one every one of them, and that this is just a test, a phase that will soon pass. Pray for strength and if you are not strong enough to pray, call on your Pastor and other saints and intercessors to pray! Remember that though it might not look like it, you have got the victory!

For us, we have done everything that we possibly can do and we now wait on GOD to do the rest! We know he will! Hallelujah Lord Jesus!!! Hallelujah GOD!!  Thank you GOD for every thing!

Learning to love me the way GOD does

What’s wrong with me? What was wrong with me? Why don’t people love me? Why cant people see me for who I am? Am I a good person?

These were the questions I asked myself and my daughter a myriad of times over the past few years. I was so skeptical, that when some people say the word “Love you”, I did not even believe it. I often asked myself “why don’t I love myself anymore and why am I trying to belong where i don’t?”

I often hear the word love thrown around so often, at times used so frivolously, that I started digging deeper to find out what it really meant and what it was all about J yes I am grown, but I wanted to know in-depth.

Love is a word that has so many meanings and is used in so many contexts. The Oxford English dictionary defines love as “a strong feeling of affection.” Love is also classified as a variety of different feelings, states and attitudes, ranging from interpersonal affections, to an emotion of strong attraction and personal attraction. Whew!! Love can also be a virtue that represents human kindness and compassionate actions towards others.

As a Christian, I know that the Bible puts a lot of emphasis on love. Our Lord JESUS made such a strong point on love. In John 21:15-17 he asked Peter whether he loved him. I believe our Lord was asking Peter about unconditional love, which is what Jesus was all about. In 2^nd Corinthians 13:13 it says “so now faith, hope and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love”. Jesus even said in Mathew 22:39 that we should love our neighbor as ourselves.

I wonder if we really know and understand the meaning of love and do a lot of people really love themselves and others. If most people do, they would not knowingly put themselves in so many life threatening situations. Lust is often confused with love. We as humans lust after approval from people, materialistic things and a lot of times we lust after the lifestyle of others and say that we love all that.

Love implies that we need to have a strong affection, attachment, kindness and compassion for ourselves and others, but do we? If we love ourselves, we are meant to take care of our physical, emotional and spiritual health, and not knowingly or intentionally hurt ourselves or others. I love ice cream and a few times I have cringed when Pastor Ronald talked about leaving that extra piece of desert alone, as I am trying very hard to lose some of this weight that crept up on me over the years. Not knowing the true meaning of love, especially GOD’s love for us usually cause some people to look for love in the wrong places or from the wrong people.

Over the past few years, I felt that I had to seek for approval from people and then their approval will show that they love me. I allowed myself to be patronized and talked down to, and yet still forced myself to try to be a part of groups of people, when it was so obvious that I did not belong. A lot of times, I would find myself taking the roles of maid, babysitter, dishwasher, housekeeper, cleaner etc, just so that I would feel needed, useful and wanted. I was left out of social groups and circles. I just did not fit!!

I started to doubt myself and at that point even wondered whether I loved myself. Maybe if I just had more money, dressed better, do what society considered the norm, people would love me enough to want to be close to me.

Then GOD snapped me out of it. I remembered a few of the words and teachings of Pastor Ronald and Pastor Angela at Living Hope. I realize that I was not created to fit in! I was unique, fearfully and wonderfully made! GOD reminded me of how he loved me, so much so that he sent his son to die just for me!

My eyes opened. GOD revealed people that my life would impact, that cared about me and loved me for who I was. There was the grounds man at our complex that will go out of his way to talk to me, the lady at the gatehouse who ministered to me when she saw me down. Then there was this young man of GOD who is now my unofficial adopted son and this young and awesome young woman of GOD who is so precious, that I call her Precious they went the whole nine yards, the hugs, phone calls, emails etc just to make sure that my daughter and me were okay. They did not have much but did their best and I will be forever grateful and thankful that GOD allowed them to come into my life.(I wont put them on blast) but you know who you are!

I started to see myself differently. I was just trying to be who GOD did not create me to be. I had no problem, nothing was wrong with me. If others could not see me, love me or accept me for whom I was, then it meant they had the problem or were just not meant to be in my life.

I know that there are a lot of people struggling with acceptance and personal identities. You might be feeling unloved, rejected, seeking approval from society. Don’t!! Inasmuch as we were created to co-exist with each other, we don’t need man’s approval to live and love. Remember that GOD has far more love for you and me than what anyone is capable of giving you.  Instead of worrying about everything, start looking for what makes you smile. Pray and ask GOD for directions and guidance. He will! Worship GOD! I found out that after spending time with GOD everything looks and feels better! Listen to music that is uplifting. I listen to Gospel and Christian music daily and that’s why I add some of the songs that bless me daily on my blogs.

Everyday I am rediscovering myself. Loving myself more and more each day and learning to live all over again and now i am leaving you with The Newsboys "your love never fails" to remind myself and you  that GOD's love never fails!! Awesome!

Chose to forgive!

I have been thinking about forgiveness a lot lately, and I started this piece with the above song, as it reflects my thoughts and prayers.

My pastor posted on face book a couple of days ago that some unknown person placed a razor under his tires and they got slashed. Instead of ranting and raving, he prayed for GOD to forgive whoever it was. I wonder how many of us would have done that. Pastor Ronald has always taught us to forgive, because as he put it, it makes no sense that you are sitting angry and frustrated, and the people who have hurt you are living their lives not even thinking about you.

A lot of us have been hurt physically, spiritually and emotionally by people close to us whom we least expected to, and to be honest it is not an easy task to forgive and forget, especially if you have been through a seemingly endless cycle of hurt and pain.

The English dictionary defines forgiveness as the intentional and voluntary process by which a victim undergoes a change in feeling and stop being angry or resentful towards another.

It is not uncommon for Christians to have questions about forgiveness. The act of forgiveness does not come easy for most of us. It took a long time before I was able to let it go and let GOD take control. We instinctively try to protect ourselves and loved ones when we have been intentionally hurt, yet at some point in time, we might have unintentionally wrong someone.

Many times we have hurt GOD by not praising, worshipping or thanking him when we should. We have ignored him so many times, blamed him for no justifiable reason when things have gone wrong in our lives, yet he forgives us every time.

A lot of us question whether to forgive is an emotional state or a conscious choice. My belief is that we choose to forgive based on GOD’s commandment. Colossians 3:3 say “Bear with each other, and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another, forgive as the Lord forgave you”.

Even when we don’t feel like it, we forgive by faith because we are obedient to GOD and we then trust GOD to do the healing in us to make us whole again. Jesus said in Mathew 18:21&22" Then Peter came to him and asked, “Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me? Seven times?”

No, not seven times,” Jesus replied, “but seventy times seven!” In the Lord’s Prayer, in part we pray “and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us”.

Even though we believe that some of the things we have done in the past are hidden from everyone, GOD sees all and forgives us. Sadly, there are a lot of disillusioned people who are living in denial, who remain convinced that they can get away with anything, simply because as they put it “there is no GOD, he does not exist!” I want to give those people a reality check! GOD exists! GOD is real! And GOD sees everything we do and he forgives us when we repent our sins!

Because GOD who sees and knows our deepest hurts, pains and secrets forgives us, we can also choose to forgive others. I have chosen to forgive and forget, so that I can live my life in peace. Who knows, by forgiving others and letting go of all the heavy burdens we carry, there will be a huge reduction of stress, less anxiety and depression and a whole lot of love going around. This next song just shows that my past is behind me and i am moving forward!! Love it!

 So beloved, for your peace of mind, to live in peace, for your love of GOD and so much more, choose to forgive!

GOD’s Beauty is all around, even when we can’t see it!

Sometimes no matter how hard you try, or how strong your faith is, circumstances you encounter sometimes leaves you weak and disillusioned. That’s when it helps to look around and see the beauty GOD has created. There is so much beauty around us!

Looking at the plants, spotting a caterpillar, do you tend to see just a slug or the beautiful butterfly that will emerge?

Monarch caterpillar and butterfly

On a frosty winter day, going down the road or through the park, looking at the trees that are bare, do you just see bare branches appearing to be dead or do you see the soon to bloom buds when spring emerges?

On a stormy day, heavy rain and winds, dark clouds, is all you see gloom,

 or do you look beyond the clouds for if by chance a rainbow will appear?

Do you just see the thorns in rose bushes,

 or the magnificent roses?

After the life changing journey GOD has taken me, I have made a conscious effort to look for and appreciate the beautiful things in life that GOD has created. For that moment in time nothing else seems to matter. By seeing the beauty in all of GOD's other creations, we can be able to see the beauty in us as well.  To GOD be the glory, great things he has done!!

Ecclesiastes 3:11 “He has made all things beautiful in his time: also he has set the world in their heart…”

Being Humble Doesn't Mean I'm Weak.

“By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches, and honor, and life”- Proverbs 22:4.

I first took real notice of the words humble and humility about eight years ago. We were attending a church that was pastured by a family member, we were going because we were new in the neighborhood, even though we were not comfortable, but we felt the need to praise and worship GOD with others. On this particular day I did not go for altar call (I usually do every week), when GOD gave the pastor a word for me. I remember it till this very day” If you stay humble, everything will be alright”.

When this was said, I did not understand what it meant, as I was always a very quiet and compassionate person, also Life was pretty fair and things were progressing fairly well. Secondly I was always under the impression that your Pastor/Priest were meant to pray for you, watch your back, protect you spiritually and pray you through difficult times. This one didn’t! This lady went on to destroy us and our reputation with the few people we knew in the community, she told people that even GOD was telling us that we were proud and thought too much of ourselves! We left that church so fast, it was not where we belong and went on to find one that suited us! Coming form London UK, not knowing a lot of people, we were a bit conservative, private and cautious but not proud. I would usually go out of the way to offer a helping hand to others.

Having worked all my life, I had never depended on anyone for anything, but that does not mean I was proud, and even if we were facing some form of difficulty, I did not believe that anyone should allow others to put them down, no matter what their circumstances are.

After that pastor hurt and humiliated us so much, I did research about God’s take on humility and to find the true meaning of humility. The definition of humble in the English dictionary is “modest, not proud or arrogant”. Throughout the Bible GOD and our Lord Jesus, had a lot to say about humility. First of all, starting with Jesus, he came down to earth as man, was born in the humblest of places, lived his life simply, was taunted and provoked by man and eventually was killed between thieves, when he had GOD and legions of angels to use if he wanted to, yet he lived a simple life, he had nothing to prove, because he knew who he was.

1^st Peter 5:6 says, ^“ Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time”. James 4:6 says, “ But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble”.When a lot of people saw us being humble, they assumed that we were weak. Mathew 5:5 says, “Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth” .

Being humble and meek is often under-appreciated in modern society, but it turns out that the secret to success and fulfillment may very well lie in the ability to be humble. Humble people are often seen as weak, and passive. What is not seen is that humble people are usually not self absorbed or prideful and that they can be compassionate people. Humility should come naturally to a lot of people, but it usually need to be learnt.

By staying humble, my daughter and me were able to cope with all the issues we had to deal with. We had GOD’s Grace and that was enough! Yes it was painful but GOD’s amazing Grace enabled us to ask for the help and advice we needed. I know people who have refused help, even though they needed it and they have actually said that they are too proud to accept charity. These are Christians who ought to know the word of GOD! They ought to know better! As Christians, they should know what GOD says about pride. Some people at times say that, “I am too humble to ask for help”, really people?

Please don’t confuse pride with humility. We should be thankful, grateful and humble enough to recognize that it is GOD’s amazing Grace that takes us through every second of every day and not our own resources or strength!

Below is a song that always reminds me of God's grace.